Wednesday, January 22, 2014

When Insults Had Class


These glorious insults are from an era before the 
English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd poison your tea."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either 
die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace 
your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices 
I admire." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many 
obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might 
send a reader to the dictionary." - 
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; 
I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter 
saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked 
by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my 
new play; bring a friend... if you have one." 
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... 
if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost 
like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships 
his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope 
it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of 
dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine 
to run up." - Paul Keating

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always 
yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it 
did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope 
without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away 
and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; 
others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses 
lamp-posts.. . for support rather than illumination." 
- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for 
music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. 
But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

Thanks David !

31 comments:

  1. I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

    Winston Churchill

    And one I like to use a lot

    If you're ever passing by, I would sure appreciate it.

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  2. GOODSTUFF, We on the Woodsterman staff try to make your day a little more fun because of your visit.

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  3. orbitup, Two great ones ... thanks for sharing those here.

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  4. Haaaa..."He is a self made man and worships his creator"...I wonder who that might be...Better that "Yo mama's so fat" foulin'...

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  5. They'll live through the ages! OUTSTANDING!
    Now, back to Saturday's Jan 18th, "They're Here ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style."

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  6. Some people are very witty and these folks sure were. Loved this Odie.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  7. Insulting people effectively requires a degree of subtle and deft use of the English language that has passed. Now it has been replaced with muther#%@&er

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  8. Some good ones I've not seen before. Thanks, Odie.

    P.S. I like Goodstuff's bunny...

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  9. Mrs Who? You mean the woman with the nasturtium-colored hair and the barmaid manner?

    Makes you long for the English language.

    PS Not sure, but I think the one attributed to Clarence Darrow also originated with Mark Twain.

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  10. Somehow that comment by Faulkner about Hemingway did not quite rise to the level of an insult. I hate to go to the dictionary when reading.

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  11. thanks Odie Dude - will link

    Thanks Adrienne - yeah the bunny is most hip

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  12. "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always
    yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

    Charlie! You never could hold your liqueur.

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  13. Adrienne, We try to be somewhat original here at Woodsterman.

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  14. Ron, my dictionary is on the dock. I just copy and paste my words of wit.

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  15. GOODSTUFF, Meeting new people is what it's all about. You two do know how to find each others blogs don't you?

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  16. DS, I love it when you appear smarter than me. That happens a lot huh.

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  17. These are real gems. I've stolen them for a future post.

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  18. As the preeminent man of letters of his day, Dr Johnson was constantly besieged by writers seeking his advice and opinions. To one such unsolicited play, he responded:

    "I found your manuscript both good and original. However, the part which was good was not original and the part which was original was not good."

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Put it here ... I can't wait to read it. I have the Captcha turned OFF but blogger insists it be there. You should be able to bypass it.

*** Moderation has been added due to Spam and a Commenter a little too caustic. I welcome comments, but talk of killing and racist (or even close to racist) are not welcome.