Tuesday, May 24, 2016

A Letter From Ma

Dearest Redneck Son,

          I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast.  We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved.  I won't be able to send you the address because the last Ozark family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.
          This place is really nice.  It even has a washing machine.  I'm not sure about it.  I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain.  We haven't seen them since.
          The weather isn't bad here.  It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.
          About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
          Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday.  We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.
          Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.  The baby looks just like your brother.
          Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week.  Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned.  We had him cremated, he burned for three days.
          Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving.  He rolled down the window and swam to safety.  Your other two friends were in the back.  They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down!
          There isn't much more news at this time.  Nothing much out of the normal has happened.
 Your Favorite Aunt,

 Bless You Hal, for have dun gived!

Monday, May 23, 2016

Awww Monday ~ Woodsterman Style L

Awww ~ Nap Time ... zzzzzzzz

Well Bye!

Sunday, May 22, 2016

Happy Blogiversary To The Woodsterman ~ VII

Yes it's true, we all have to endure another mindless
Woodsterman Blogiversary. Can you believe that this
is number 7. 

As always I REALLY need to thank you guys and dolls
for this crazy fictional character's success. If it weren't
for you guys hitting this place 3.7 million times I would
have retired this old sweetheart many years ago.

We can't forget the endless stream of awards this
old guy has received. The celebrations have been too
numerous to count (Thanks Sweet Pea).

Have you ever visited the Old Woodsterman at 
Facebook. Below is his Facebook Banner.

Some of you have met the real woodsterman and some of 
have seen him and didn't even know. I love playing tricks. 
Being an old fashioned guy I'm just now getting into selfies.

OH ... the most often asked question, who is 
your favorite blonde you have ever posted. 
That's her below. She is labeled in a folder,
"THE Blonde".

Thanks again all of you, Odie


Saturday, May 21, 2016

Silly Blonde Day ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

Tennis Ball 
 One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed a 
tennis ball lying by the side of the walk. Being fairly new 
and in good condition, he picked the ball up, put it in his 
pocket and proceeded on his way. Waiting at the cross 
street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blond 
standing next to him smiling. "What do you have in your 
 pocket?" she asked. "Tennis ball," the man said smiling 
back. "Wow," said the blonde looking upset. "That must 
hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable!" 
 Walking In The Woods 
Two blondes were walking in the woods when they came 
upon some tracks in the dirt, the first blonde says, "Look 
at those bear tracks". The second blonde says,"Those aren't 
bear tracks, those are deer tracks". The first blonde says 
"No they're not, there bear tracks". The second blonde 
argues back. "No they're not, they're deer tracks." 
Then, they both got hit by the train.

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/blondejokes/sportyblondejokes.html

Other  Blonde Loving Rule 5 ers:

Friday, May 20, 2016

T. G. I. Clean Off THe Desktop Day

All gathered from my Facebook Buddies.

Thursday, May 19, 2016

All Good Things Must Come To An End

I've been on one of my R&Rs at the GSR in Reno.
This morning I have to head home after 4 nights.
 This guy needs a special bathroom.
 Liberals just don't get it. It's none of their EFFING business.
 Lunch in the motorhome.
 The main building at GSR from the RV Park.


GSR = Grand Sierra Resort 

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Retired Persons

Retired Person's Perspective 

1. I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out. 

2. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now. 

3. You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she's probably very unhappy. 

4. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you've just met? That's common sense leaving your body. 

5. I don't like making plans for the day. Because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom. 

6. I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes 1,500 days in a row. 

7. I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning. 

8. Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers: If you find one, what's your plan? 

9. Everyone has a right to be stupid. Politicians just abuse the privilege. 

Old age is not as bad as I thought. It's a good feeling when you just don't give a hoot anymore and you feel happy just to wake up in the morning.

Thanks Dick

Tuesday, May 17, 2016