Saturday, October 25, 2014

Hunting Trip ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, 
woke up raring to go bag the first deer of the season.

He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, 
and to his surprise he finds his wife, Erin, sitting there, 
fully dressed in camouflage.

Jake asks her, "What are you up to?"

Erin smiles, "I'm going hunting with you! 
The kids are with their granddad."

Jake, though he had many reservations about this, 
reluctantly decides,to take her along.

Three hours later they arrive at a game preserve 
just outside of Malta, Montana.

Jake sets his lovely wife safely up in the tree stand 
and tells her "If you see a deer, take careful aim on 
it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot.

He walks away with a smile on his face knowing that 
Erin couldn't  bag an elephant - much less a deer.Not 
10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an 
array of gunshots.

Quickly, Jake starts running back. As he gets closer to 
her stand, he hears Erin screaming, 
"Get the hell away from my deer!"

Confused and frightened, Jake races faster towards his
 screaming wife,and again he hears her yell, 
"Get the hell away from my deer!" 
followed by another volley of gunfire!

Now within sight of where he had left his wife, 
Jake is surprised to see a Montana game warden 
with his hands high in the air.

The game warden, obviously distraught, yelled, 
"Okay, lady! You can have your deer! 
Just let me get my saddle off it!"

Thanks Mr. Trailbee!

Other Hunting Rule 5 ers:
Average Bubba     

Friday, October 24, 2014

Thursday, October 23, 2014

The Wager

A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to
each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb 
that he could put one over on them easily.
So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to 
play a fun game.
The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, 
so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun... 
"I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, 
you pay me only $5. Then you ask me one, and if I don't 
know the answer, I will pay you $500," he says.
This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the 
lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance 
from the Earth to the Moon?"
The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, 
pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the senior's turn.  He asks the lawyer, "What goes 
up a hill with three legs, and come down with four?"
The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references 
he could find on the Net.
He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows;
all to no avail.  After an hour of searching,
he finally gives up.
He wakes the senior and hands him $500. 
The senior pockets the $500 and goes back to sleep.
The lawyer is now going nuts not knowing the answer.  
He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up 
a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
The senior reaches into his pocket, 
hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep

Thank You Mr. Trailbee

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Field Trip

Two female teachers took a group of students from grades 
1, 2 and 3 for a field trip to Flemington Racecourse.  When 
it was time to take the children to the 'bathroom', it was 
decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the 
boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the 
men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her 
that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, 
she went inside, helped the little boys with their pants, and 
began hoisting them up one by one, holding on to their 
'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes and 
shake them dry.

As she lifted one boy up, she couldn't help but notice that he 
was unusually well endowed.

Trying not to show that she was staring at his equipment the 
teacher said, 'You must be in Grade 3?

'No ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Black Caviar in the next race, 
but I really appreciate your help.'

Thanks Dan!

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Monday, October 20, 2014

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Old Mafia Don ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

An old Italian Don is dying.... and he calls for his 
grandson to approach the bed; "Lissin' a me. I wanna 
for you to taka my chrome-plated 38-caliber revolver, 
so you will always remember me."

The grandson smiles weakly and replies; "But grandpa, 
I really donna a lika guns. Howzabout you leava me 
you ROLEX watch instead?"

Gasping for air the old man answers with a snarl in his 
voice; "Shuddup an lissin'. Somma day, 
you gonna runna da business......

You gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home, 
and maybea a couple of bambinos."

 After a slight pause to catch his breath he continues; 
"Somma day, you gonna comma home, and maybe find 
you wife inna bed with another man. Whadda you gonna 
do then, .... pointa to you watch and say "Times up"?"

Thanks Mr. Trailbee !

Other Old World Rule 5 ers:

Friday, October 17, 2014

Chain Letter

I have never sent a chain letter, but this one 
truly is quite successful.  It’s incredible!

Send “OBAMA LOVES YOU” to ten recipients, 
and you will see that at least 9 will reply telling 
you to go screw yourself!

It’s amazing, but it works!

Thanks David!

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Thursday Stuff

This blog has suffered as late because a whole bunch
of things. I was on my annual R&R at the GSR when
about half way through and comed down with something.
Flu or cold got me good. I just stayed there not wanting
to bring it home. I'm still feeling like crap, but I'm home.
I need a do over for my R&R ... not going to happen.