Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."

She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.

My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.

I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals .......very much.

I do, too, especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.

I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.

I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders."

    Guess where I am now ....

New Flavor

Thanks Dan !

Woodsterman's First Post Four Years Ago Today

WHOOPEE !

Oops, who is that masked man? I don't know,

but she sure likes him.

Thank you all for helping this old man act like

a kid again for four years today. Your loyalty to

this blog humbles me greatly. I'm not as well

followed as my very good political friends, but

I feel this little niche I have filled here has served

it's purpose well. 

So kids (that's because I'm 66), This blog is four

years old today, has had about 350,000 hits, and

over 550,000 page views (and I know who that

guy is).

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! 

I'VE HAD A BALL!

Here's a LINK to my very first post.

Just being me ... jealous?

A Little R and R Woodsterman Style

 I'm at the Grand Sierra Resort, formally the MGM

in Reno. I do this a couple of times a year. Mrs.

Woodsterman was with me the first night. She was

celebrating her 39th anniversary. Your looking from

the RV Park to the main Resort.

 Here's old Betsy. I'm here, alone, until I travel west

to do a couple of days of fishing.

 This is a small corner of the casino. I took

this from the one of the many video poker bars.

 This is a really cool slot machine bank

where you get to go fishing.

And ... at the video poker bar ... breakfast dessert.

Woodsterman has a surprise tomorrow ... TA TA

NewsBusted 5/21/13 ~ NewsBusters.org

Well, as some of you know, I like to visit Reno

in the motorhome for a little R & R a couple of

times a year. This is one of those times. I guess

the casino RV part I'm staying at has run in to

hard times. Their internet is back the way it was

a few years back ... remember? I'm glad I

pre-posted a lot of this stuff just in case. Jodi, 

however, I could not ... so here she is ...

After four f***ing tries.

Have Another Bite

Thanks Dan !

Lying In Bed Pondering

As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world,
I rapidly realized that I don't really give a hoot.

1. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.

And you tell me to exercise? I don't think so.

I'm retired. Go around me.

Some Mature Thoughts:

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.
3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
6. If all is not lost, where is it?
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser
8. Some days, you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the
bathroom.
14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.
15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play
chess?
16. Its not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth..
18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I go
somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm hereafter.
19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
20. I'M UNABLE TO REMEMBER WHETHER I'VE SENT YOU THIS BEFORE.

Thanks Dan !

Golf Game ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blonde approached them she asked the trio if she could join them. Naturally, the guys all agreed.

"Thanks fellas. By the way, I dance in a topless bar so not much shocks me. If you want to smoke, drink, bet,                                                  

swear, tell off-colour jokes or do anything that you normally do when playing a round together, go ahead. But listen, I consider myself a decent player, so
please don't try to coach me."

With that the guys agreed to relax and invited her to drive first.  All eyes were fastened on her shapely behind as she bent to place her ball on the tee. She then took her driver and hit the ball 270 yards down the middle, right in front of the green.

The father's mouth was agape. "That was beautiful," he said.

The blonde put her driver away and said, "I really didn't get into it, and I faded it a little."

After the three guys hit their drives and their second shots, the blonde took out a wedge and lofted the ball within five feet of the hole.

The son said, "Damn, lady, you played that perfectly."

The blonde frowned and said, "It was a little weak since I've left a tricky little putt."  She then sunk the five-footer for a birdie. Having the honours, her drive landed nearly 300 yards away, smack in the middle of the fairway.

For the rest of the round the statuesque blonde continued to amaze the guys, quietly and methodically shooting for par or less on every hole.

When they arrived at the 18th green, the blonde was three under par and had a nasty 12-foot putt for a par. 

She turned to the three guys and said, "I really want to thank you all for not acting like a bunch of chauvinists and telling me what club to use or how to play a shot, but I need this putt for a 69 and I'd really like to break 70 on this course.  If any one of you can tell me how to make par on this hole I'll take him back to my apartment, pour some 35-year-old Scotch, fix him a steak dinner and then show him a good time the rest of the night."

The yuppie son jumped at the thought! He strolled across the green, carefully eyeing the line of the putt and finally said, "Honey, aim about 6 inches to the right of the hole and hit it firm. It will get over that little hump and break right into the cup."

The father knelt down and sighted the putt using his putter as a plumb. "Don't listen to the kid, darlin', you want to hit it softly 10 inches to the right and let it run left down that little hogback, so it falls into the cup."

The grey-haired grandfather walked over to the blonde's ball, picked it up and handed it to her and said, "That's a gimme, sweetheart."

The blonde smiled and said, "Your car or mine?"

REMEMBER . . OLD AGE AND TREACHERY WILL OVERCOME YOUTH AND SKILL EVERY TIME!

Other Rule 5 ers:

*American Perspective*

Proof Positive

Randy's Roundtable

Reaganite Republican

teresamerica

Guns and Bikinis

Maggie's Notebook 

TOTUS

In a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World
Adrienne's Corner
Eye of Polyphemus
Diogenes' Middle Finger
Ninety Miles From Tyranny
Doubletroubletwo  
Angrymikes hood

Another Day ~ More Fun

**************************************************

An Arab walks into a bar and is about to order a drink when he sees a guy close by wearing a Jewish cap, a prayer shawl/tzitzis and traditional locks of hair.

He doesn't have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is Jewish. so he shouts over to the bartender loudly enough that everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for that Jew over there".

Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the Jew gives him a big smile,  waves at him, then says, "Thank you!" in an equally loud voice.

This infuriates the Arab. He once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Jew.

As before, this does not seem to bother the Jewish guy. He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!"
The Arab asks the bartender, "What's the hell is the matter with that Jew?
I've ordered two rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all the silly bugger does is smile and thank me. Is he nuts?"
"Nope," replies the bartender. "He owns the place."

Thanks Dan !

NewsBusted 5/15/13 ~ NewsBusters.org

Resurrection

A Baptist pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During the
sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was.
Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the
same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can
also be very dangerous.

Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the
resurrection, a little boy raised his hand........

The pastor called on him and the little boy said,
"I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours
you are supposed to call the doctor."

Thanks Dan !

Dress For The Moment

Jodi is missing in action again, so enjoy this.

It's Called The Truth, Hillary

For You Thong Wearers ....

I have heard of bras for a car. This is a first. 
 ***********
 HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY LADIES ! 

Texas Titty Bar ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

OH .... OK !

Thanks Dan !

Other Rule 5 ers:

*American Perspective*

Proof Positive

Randy's Roundtable

Reaganite Republican

teresamerica

Guns and Bikinis

Maggie's Notebook 

TOTUS

In a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World
Adrienne's Corner
Eye of Polyphemus
Diogenes' Middle Finger
Ninety Miles From Tyranny
Doubletroubletwo  
Angrymikes hood