Friday, March 27, 2015

Frozen Windows


 I had to add this above because I plain like it.

Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning:
     "Windows frozen, won't open."
Husband texts back:
     "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it
and gently tap edges with hammer."
 
Wife texts back 5 minutes later:
     "Computer really messed up now.”

Thanks Hal

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Thursday Three . . . .

 She had very soft hands

W     I     D     E     R
Thanks Hal

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

OO-RAH! .....


A  Marine enters the Catholic Church
confessional booth in Jacksonville.
 
He  tells the priest, "Bless me, Father,
for I have sinned.  Last night, I beat the
hell out of an  Obama supporter."

The  priest says, "My son, I am here to
forgive your sins, not to discuss your
community service." 

*********************
Thanks Hal

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Potatoes


Well,

A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,


And finally they got married, and had a little sweet
Potato, which they
Called
'Yam.'


Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.



When it was time, they told her about the facts Of life.


They warned her about going
Out and getting
Half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed,

and
Get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and


End up with a bunch of tater tots



Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get Her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!



But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either.


She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her shoestring cousins.


When she went off to
Europe , Mr. And Mrs. Potato told Yam
To watch out


For the hard-boiled guys from Ireland and the greasy guys from France called the French fries. And


When she went out West, to
Watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped...


Yam said she would stay on the straight and
Narrow and wouldn't associate with


Those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all The trucks that say,
'Frito Lay.'


Mr. And Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's
Potato University ) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips.


But in spite of all they did for
Her, one-day Yam came home
And announced she was
Going to marry Tom Brokaw.


Tom Brokaw!
Mr. And Mrs.
Potato were very upset.



They told Yam she couldn't
Possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's just......
Are you
Ready for this?


Are

You sure?

*

*

OK!


Here it is!



*


*


*


*



A

COMMONTATER




Thanks Hal ... I think.







Monday, March 23, 2015

OK Boys and Girls ... It's Started


I'll be plunking away at it for awhile. I've always
thought a gray background with dark text was
easiest on the eyes. I have a couple wild backgrounds
picked out for later. 

I've done this many times before elsewhere, and
that's why I have so many practice blogs. If you
want to see where I'm trying this out, here's a 
link below:

A Great Math Trick . . . . WOW!



I love math tricks and this one will only take you about ten seconds. Amazingly, it really works and will reveal your all-time favorite movie.

                I'm pretty good at math, so I did it in my head, then on paper, and finally on a calculator just to confirm my numerical capabilities. Each time I got the same answer, and sure enough it IS my very favorite movie  

                DO NOT cheat. DO YOUR math, THEN compare the results to the list of movies at the bottom You will be AMAZED at how scary true and accurate this test is.

                 

                1. Pick a number from 1-9. 

                 

                2. Multiply that number by 3. 

                 

                3. Add 3. 

                 

                4. Multiply by 3 again. 

                 

                5. Your total will be a two digit number. Add the first and second digits together to find
                your favorite movie (of all time) in the list of 17 movies below: 

                
                Movie List: 

                 
                1. Gone With the Wind
                2. E.T.
                3. Blazing Saddles
                4. Star Wars
                5. Forrest Gump
                6. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
                7. Jaws
                8. Grease
                9. The Obama Farewell Speech
                10. Casablanca 
                11. Jurassic Park 
                12. Shrek
                13. Pirates of the Caribbean 
                14. Titanic
                15. Raiders of the Lost Ark 
                16. Home Alone
                17. Mrs. Doubtfire 

                Now, isn't that something?


Thanks Dan

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Under Construction ~ Woodsterman Style

 I'll bet you think this is a spoof about
construction workers .... well a little of
that too. We at Woodsterman try not to
be too serious about most things.
 This May the old Woodsterman blog will be
six years old. We've never given the old boy
(the site NOT the avatar ... NEVER!) a face
lift. This template is Sooooo old it can hardly
be modified. 
 Those of you new to blogger have probably never
heard of the template "Minima". All of the things you
see on this blog as far as width (this is wider than
standard) and the like used to have to be tweaked
in the HTML.
 I can't just go into the HTML any longer and tweak
the old girl. Google barely supports this
template any more. So, I've made a management
decision and decided to go modern. Over the next
couple of hours, days, weeks, or even months I'll
be giving the old girl a facelift. 

You know me as only serious sometimes, so I had
to post these pictures along with this announcement.
 The last straw is lately comments were being corrupted
with non Java gibberish or something. That is why you
see I've gone back to the drop down window. 

As some of you know, a few others and I have another
blog. It started out successful but slowed down do to,
I would have to say, a lack of interest. I've been keeping
it going. It has been much easier to maintain do to its
newer template. I can even add sexy backgrounds. Here's
a LINK so you can see what I mean.

I'm just changing the ease of posting and maintaining.
Things will stay as goofy around here as always ... 

PROMISE!

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Evening Wear ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style


 There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They 
were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 
50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to 
the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. 
The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The 
blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.




Other Evening Loving Rule 5 ers:
 
Average Bubba     

Friday, March 20, 2015

A Wise Tale



A German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, 
discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther 
heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep shit now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately 
settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the 
approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old 
German Shepherd exclaims loudly,

"Boy, that was one delicious panther! 
I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, 
a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

"Whew!" says the panther, "That was close! 
That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole 
scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge 
to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. 
So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills 
the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of 
and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's 
going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming 
with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going 
to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down 
with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen 
them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, 
the old German Shepherd says...
 
"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to 
bring me another panther!"


Moral of this story...

Don't mess with the  old dogs . Age and skill will always 
overcome youth and treachery!
Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Of course, I am in no way insinuating that you are old, 
just 'youthfully challenged'.

Thanks Hal

Thursday, March 19, 2015

A Little Thursday Fun

Thanks Brighid (LINK)

*****************

What The President Lacks

 Thanks Hal

****************

That's where I've seen him before . . .