Saturday, April 19, 2014

Blonder Than ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

 Q: Why do blondes take the pill? 
A: So they know what day of the week it is. 
 A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...." 
The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?" 
 Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? 
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads. 
 Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? 
A: They're both empty from the neck up. 
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? 
A: Because she got an "F" in sex. 


Other More Blonder Rule 5 ers:

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Redneck Lent

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up 
his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak.

But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic.  
And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from 
eating meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks 
was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful 
that they finally talked to their priest.

The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested 
that he become a Catholic.

After several classes and much study, Bubba attended 
Mass ... And as the Priest sprinkled holy water over
 him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, 
and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic.

Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday 
night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of 
grilled venison filled the neighborhood.

The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, 
as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and 
prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy
 water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling 
meat and chanted:  
"You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, 
but now you is a catfish."

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

NewsBusted 4/15/14 ~

Three Wishes

A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute Mexican refugee outside an Arizona immigration office.

"Good man," the fairy said, "I've been sent here by 
President Obama and told to grant you three wishes 
since you just arrived in the United States with 
your wife and eight children."

The man told the fairy, "Well, where I come from 
we don't have good teeth, so I want new teeth, 
maybe a lot of gold in them."

The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin 
and -- PING!-- he had a brand new shining set of 
gold teeth in his mouth! "What else?" 
asked the fairy, "Two more to go."

The refugee claimant now got bolder. "I need a big 
house with a three-car garage in Annapolis on the 
water with eight bedrooms for my family and the 
rest of my relatives who still live in my country. 
I want to bring them all over here" and PING! 
In the distance there could be seen a beautiful 
mansion with a three car garage, a long driveway, 
and a walkout patio with a BBQ in an upscale 
neighborhood over-looking the bay. "One more wish," 
said the fairy, waving her wand.

"Yes, one more wish. I want to be like an American 
with American clothes instead of these torn clothes, 
and a baseball cap instead of this sombrero. And I 
want to have white skin like Americans" ---and --- PING!

The man was transformed - wearing worn-out jeans, 
a Baltimore Orioles T-shirt, and a baseball cap. 
He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had 
disappeared from the horizon.

"What happened to my new teeth?" He wailed. 
"Where is my new house?"

The fairy said: "Tough shit, Amigo, now that you 
are a white American, you have to fend for yourself."

 Thanks Trailbee!

Monday, April 14, 2014

FIRED ... First Day On The Job!

All he had to do was don a Winnie the Pooh 
costume and be friendly to kids.

How did he get fired first day on the job?

He put the pants on backwards.

Thanks Dan (your best yet!)

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Message From The Mrs.

Got home real late last night after a full day of golfing
and hanging out with the guys, and my wife left a message
in the kitchen.

I think she wants me to eat more fruit,
bless her heart!

Thanks Suzie !

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Blonderer ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

A young blonde secretary was describing her blind 
date to a friend. "After dinner," she said, "he wanted 
to come back to my apartment, but I refused. I told 
him my mother would worry if I did anything like 
that." "That was smart," her friend said, approvingly. 
"Then what happened?" "He kept insisting, and I kept 
refusing," the secretary said. "You didn't weaken your 
resolve, did you?" asked the friend. "Not one bit. 
In the end, we went to his apartment. 

I figured, let his mother worry." 


Other Blonderer Rule 5 ers:

Friday, April 11, 2014

Dude, Chill Out ...

"When the people find that they can vote themselves money, that will herald the end of the republic" -  Ben Franklin

Thank You Trailbee! 

Thank You Velcro!