Sunday, June 30, 2013

Hopefully He Stays II

Little reason then why it costs us 
taxpayers an estimated $100,000,000 
to send our Dear leader to Africa for 
a one week holiday...hopefully he stays...

Thanks Ron: (LINK 1) & (LINK 2)


Meanwhile back at home:  
A lot of you ask how's the show going. So,
I thought I'd give you a peak as to what it
looks like. I'm posting this Saturday
morning. Friday was very slow and we
only made one sale. The young babes in
bikinis kept my spirits up however. This
old man really enjoys that ... hence
the title: "Dirty Old Man"
This is our Gipsy looking booth.
 As you're looking at the booth, to the left, walk 100
feet, and you're standing here. Tough duty I know, but
someone has to do it. 

After working for the telephone company, outside in
the winters here, I don't feel a bit guilty. As you read this,
picture the old Woodsterman sitting back with his mint julep ... what ever that is.

If any of you are curious about this, check out my
sidebar. You'll figure it out.

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Blonde Curtains ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

 A blonde goes into a computer store and asks the clerk 
"Where do you keep the curtains for computers?" The 
clerk answers with a puzzled face "Curtains for computers? 
You don't need curtains for computers." The blonde's eyes 
widen and she shakes her head as she answers "Hello!?? 
My computer has Windows!!"

Friday, June 28, 2013

Hopefully He Stays

Little reason then why it costs us 
taxpayers an estimated $100,000,000 
to send our Dear leader to Africa for 
a one week holiday...hopefully he stays...

Hi All, Mrs. Woodsterman and I are doing
a show this weekend at sunny Lake Tahoe.
We have to start setting up today at
6:00 AM. So most of Woodsterman will be
prerecorded for your enjoyment. I won't
be able to get around much, so I'll catch
up on Monday.

I would like to thank Ron Russell (LINK 1)
and (LINK 2) For the BOY KING'S vacation pictures.

I would also like to thank "pacer1949" for
becoming my 200th follower. It's been
over 4 years in the making.


ALSO .... We're losing a blogging friend. 
Christopher has decided to hang things
up and attack the Left on a local level. I'll
miss him and I'll bet you will too. Go say
Farewell at (His Place)

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Redneck Mouse Trap

This is a redneck mouse trap. 
You can see how it works. 
A neighbor actually caught about 
a dozen mice in his garage this 
past winter with it.

Apparently, there IS a better mousetrap!
Use peanut butter for bait - 
Just put about 4'' of water in a 5 gallon 
bucket and it will do the trick.

It works better than lazy cats and you don't 
have to feed it. It is energy efficient as well. 
Can't miss. Easy to make. Looking forward to 
hearing from you when you catch your 1st rat.

Thanks David !

Monday, June 24, 2013

Jokes And Coffee ?

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, 
by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with 
the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her
in the morning...


The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, 
so I did. She's 21, and her name's Kathy.


Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were 
shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because 
my girlfriend is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 
10th anniversary.


My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his 
class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! 
You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."


The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having 
sex with me because she can't afford batteries.


A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator 
says, "How do you know?" The man says "The sex is about the 
same, but the ironing is piling up!"


I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get
reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said 
she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously 
haven't been listening."


My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare 
for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her 
clothes back.


The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could 
contribute towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we'd love to, 
but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.

Thanks David !

Sunday, June 23, 2013

The School Bus


And which country do I get when I have a technical problem with my computer?

And where do you dial one for English?

Kids, the Woodsterman has been on another
R&R at the GSR (Proof's favorite too) RV
Park and massage parlor. I'm feeling 
really toned and tuned up, thank you.

Someone has been streaming video at this
RV park, and the talk is if we find the SOB
He's F---ing toast! If I'm not out much
(visiting you'all) the SOB isn't toast YET.

Thanks Dan!

Saturday, June 22, 2013

New Shoes ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

Odie walks to work 20 blocks everyday and 
passes a shoe store twice every day.
Each day he stops and looks in the window 
to admire the Armani leather shoes.

He wants those shoes so's all he can think about.

After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, 
$300, and purchases them.

Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance 
in the church basement. Odie seizes this opportunity 
to wear his new Armani leather shoes for the first time.
He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, 
'Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?'
Startled, Sophia replies, 'Yes, Odie, I do wear 
red panties tonight, but how do you know?'
Odie answers,’ I see the reflection in my new 
$300 Armani leather shoes. How do you like them?'

Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks, ‘Rosa, do you wear white panties tonight?'
 Rosa answers, 'Yes, Odie, I do, but how do you know that?'

He replies, 'I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes... How do you like them?'

Odie dances with many young ladies this evening and the same question is asked and answered by a very surprised
young lady each time.

Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Odie asks Carmela to dance.

Midway through the dance his face turns red...

He states, 'Carmela, be stilla my heart. Please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight.
 Please, please, tella me this true!'

Carmela smiles coyly and answers, 'Yes Odie, 
I wear no panties tonight...'
Odie gasps, 'Thanka God ....

I thought I had a crack in my $300 Armani leather shoes...!

Other Rule 5 ers:
Thanks Dan !

Friday, June 21, 2013

A Practical Solution To Gun Control

So I say we meet the liberals halfway on gun control 
by simply banning all liberals from owning guns.

This will also solve the problems of the mentally 
unstable and incompetent having access to firearms.
Is this moron even a citizen?

Thanks Dan !

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Two Bears

Two bears were sitting at the side of the river near Ottawa .
The smaller bear turned to the bigger one and said, 
'I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me.
We're the same age; we were the same size as cubs. 
I just don't get it.'
'Well,' said the big Bear, 'what have you been eating?'
'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Bear.
'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'
'Down near the parking lot by the Parliament Buildings.'
'Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?'
'Well, I hide under one of their Lexus cars and wait for 
one to unlock the car door.
Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out 
of them and eat 'em!'
'Ah!' says the big Bear, 'I think I see your problem. 
You're not getting any real nourishment. 
See, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a Politician, 
there's nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase.'

Wednesday, June 19, 2013


Dear Family and Friends:

Most of you know our friend, Dorothy, 

who recently went in for a

surgical procedure.

It was for a Butt Lift at the WalMart Medical Center .

She didn't have the most pleasant experience.

She should've left well enough alone

I wanted to show you how it turned out.

I hope this keeps YOU from having this done.


Don't get a Butt Lift at the WalMart Medical Center .

You will most certainly regret it.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Woodsterman ~ Oldest To Receive This Prestigious Award

This Paul Revere Award was awarded to a very
select group of "Conservative" Bloggers. 

Curmudgeon over at "Political Clown Parade" was
kind enough to create this NEW award for we
bloggers that are fighting the good fight every day.

Thank you so much, and below are all the winners.
I don't feel I'm in their league, but thank you so
much Curmudgeon. 

Let The Celebration Begin ! 
I was lucky enough to receive
a few testimonials and I posted them below.

My assistant, above, and I want to thank
you for stopping by. I love you too Baby!

To My Son: 
Happy Father's Day 
This is your first ... Enjoy!


Saturday, June 15, 2013

Being Blonder ~ OR ~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

The Circle 

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front 
of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver 
furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. 
The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her 
to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up 
her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. 
So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts 
busting her windows and beating her car. 
He looks back to see that she's laughing. 
He's really mad now, so he takes 
his knife and slices her tires. 
He turns around and she's laughing so hard, 
she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so funny?" 
She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"

Other Rule 5 ers: