Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Statistics . . . .

Statistics released from The United Nations reveal that:  
 Australian, Canadian, U.K. and U.S. men between 50 
and 75 years of age, will, on average, have sex two to 
three times per week, whereas Japanese men, in the
same age group, will have sex only once or twice per year.
This is very upsetting news to many of my friends,  
as they had no idea they were Japanese.

Thanks Hal

Hello boys and girls, life has interrupted my blogging life
again. Burger King says, "Special orders don't upset us", 
well they as sure as hell upset me. That is finally winding
down, but the show season is upon us. Anyhoo, this is why
I haven't been getting around as much lately. I've been
time challenged as of late. Hope you understand.

Monday, June 29, 2015

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Sunday Sermon ~ Woodsterman Style

Hell Explained

The following is an actual question given on a University  of 
Arizona  chemistry midterm, and an actual answer turned in 
by a student.
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the 
professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, 
of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well : 
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) 
or endothermic (absorbs heat)? 
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's 
Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) 
or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following: 
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in 
time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving 
into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is 
unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul 
gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. 
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the 
different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of 
their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than 
one of these religions and since people do not belong to more 
than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. 
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the 
number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we 
look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because 
Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and 
pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to 
expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities: 
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at 
which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure 
in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.    
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of 
souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop 
until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?   
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my 
Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep
 with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her 
last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure 
that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The 
corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it 
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, 
extinct..... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence 
of a divine being which explains why, last night, 
Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'


Thanks Hal

Friday, June 26, 2015

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Things To Ponder While You Are In The Bathroom!


If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

If you take a Oriental person and spin him around 

several times, does he become disoriented?

Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?

What do chickens think we taste like?

What do people in China call their good plates?

What do you call a male ladybug?

What hair color do they put on the 

driver's license of a bald man?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

When they first invented the clock, 

how did they know what time it was to set it to?

Which is the other side of the street?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why don't they call mustaches "mouthbrows?"

Do they have lectures in Mime School?

Why do we park on drive ways, but drive on parkways?

Why is it when we mail something over land it's a 

shipment, but when we mail it over sea it's Cargo?

Why does Bottled Water have an expiry date?

Why do women wear evening gowns to go out at night? 

Shouldn't they be wearing nightgowns?

Why is a man who invests all your money called a Broker?

Why do Overlook and Oversee mean opposite things?

Why are there locks on stores that are open 24/7/365?

Why do Doctors call what they do a "practice"?? 

Shouldn't they be good at it by now?

Why is it called a Hamburger if it's made from beef?

If you're in France and order toast, 

do you get toast, or french toast??

If the #2 pencil is the most popular... Why is it still #2?

And finally for this food for thought......

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Monday, June 22, 2015

Awww Monday ~ Woodsterman Style VIII

Photography is patience and timing.


Sunday, June 21, 2015

Sunday Laffs

The other day I went over to a nearby CVS Pharmacy.

When I got there, I went straight to the back of the store to where the Pharmacists Counter is located.

I took out my little brown bottle along with a teaspoon and laid them both
onto the counter.

The pharmacist came over smiled and asked if he could help me.

I said, "Yes!  Could you please taste this for me?"

Being I'm a senior  citizen...I guess the Pharmacist just went along with

He picked up the spoon and put a tiny bit of the liquid on his tongue and
swilled it around.

Then with a stomach-churning look on his face he spit it out on the floor
and began coughing.

When he finally was finished, I looked him right in the eye asked, Now, does
that taste sweet to you?"

The pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his
eyes yelled, HELL  NO!!!"

So I said, "Oh thank God! That's a real relief!  My doctor told me to get a
pharmacist to test my urine for sugar!"

Well, I can never go back to that CVS, but I really don't care though, because; they aren't very friendly there anyway!!!

Please steal and post this ... I did.

Thanks Dan, Hal, and Dick.

Saturday, June 20, 2015

Woodsterman Humbled Again ~ Speechless? ... NOT!

Thank You Curmudgeon and you who nominated me.

I want to encourage all of you to visit Curmudgeon at her
site at Political Clown Parade (LINK) and read about this award. 

I would like you to take special notice of her Banners at
the top. They change often and always amaze me. 

My Fan Club ... I'll be right there girls. 

It's even engraved!

Team Spirit ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

Q: How did the blonde die at the baseball game? 
A: She drowned during the wave. 
Q: What do you call a blonde at a golf course? 
A: The 19th hole. 
Q: How did the Blonde hockey team drown? 
A: Spring training. 
Q: What do blonde swimmers and the Bermuda triangle have in common? 
A: They both have swallowed a lot of semen. 
Q: Why did the blonde become a big hockey fan? 
A: Because every time they stopped the clock, she thought she stopped aging. 
Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver? 
A: She missed the Earth! 
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives? 
A: The vegetable garden. 
Q: What do you call a tall blonde rebounder? 
A: A Golden Retriever. 
Q: Why did the blonde take a piece of rope onto the baseball diamond? 
A: She was the skipper! 
Q: What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125? 
A: a foursome. 
Q: How do blonde basketball players stay cool during a game? 

Thank You Hal!