Saturday, February 28, 2015

Google ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

So .... I get this left in my Blogger Dashboard:

And it leads me here:

Well, Google heard John Q Public's reaction and decided to
back down. You see three quarters of their bloggers were
mentioning the word "Wordpress" and it made them nervous.

DUH .....

Google, have some cleavage on Old Woodsterman:

Other Cleavage loving Rule 5 ers:

Friday, February 27, 2015

The Genie With Three Wishes

Three men - a Canadian farmer, a Muslim fanatic
and a 'Harley-Biker' are all walking together one day.

They come across an old lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in 

total', says the Genie.

The Canadian says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also farm. 

I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada '

POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada 

was forever fertile for farming.

The Muslim was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around 

Afghanistan, Syria, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, 

Americans or Canadians can come into our precious land.'

POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was 

a huge wall around those countries.

The Biker says to the Genie, 'I am very curious.

Please tell me more about this wall.'

The Genie explains, 'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 

500 feet thick and completely surrounds the countries. 

Nothing can get in or out; it's virtually impenetrable.'

The Biker sits down on his Harley,

cracks a beer,

lights a cigar,

smiles and says,

'Fill it with water.'

Thanks Hal

Thursday, February 26, 2015

It's Beginning To look A Lot Like Spring

Oh boy, we have Snow Flowers.
Thank's Dan
and sorry East Coast.
Thanks Hal


* A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor's dog, then bites the Governor.

* The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "Bambi" and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.

* He calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the state $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.

* He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.

* The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.

*The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.

* The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a "coyote awareness program" for residents of the area.

* The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.

* The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack.

* The state spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training re the nature of coyotes.

* PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files a $5 million suit against the state.


* The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail.

* A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.

* The Governor shoots the coyote with his state-issued pistol and keeps jogging.

* The Governor has spent $.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.

* The buzzards eat the dead coyote.

And that, my friends, is why California is broke and Texas is not.

Thanks Randy (LINK)  

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

I've Got Your Six

Here's a few add-ons below .........

Thursday, February 19, 2015

A Belated Valentine Message

Little Thelma comes home from first grade and tells her father that

they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. And, "Since

Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks,

"Will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?

Thelma's father thinks a bit then says "No, I don't think God would

get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to? "the Isis group," 

she says. "Why them," her father asks in shock? "Well," 

she says, "I thought that if a little 

American Jewish girl could

have enough love to give them a valentine, they might start to think

that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little

bit. And if other kids saw what I did and then they sent valentines

to them, they'd love everyone a lot. And then they'd start going all

over the place telling everyone how much they loved them and how they

didn't hate anyone anymore."

Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new found 

pride.  "Thelma, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."

"I know," Thelma says, "and once that gets them out in the open, 

the Marines could blow the shit out of them."

Happy Valentine's Day !

Thanks Hal !

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Why There Are More Women Than Men (No More)

I think this last one is made up, but if
not, which one of these guys wins the
Darwin Award?

I forgot to add ... I have been guilty of the third one.

Monday, February 16, 2015

Hot Coffee

Gotta love those grandkids …

I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old granddaughter and I asked her, "What day is tomorrow?"

Without skipping a beat she said, "It's Presidents Day!" 

She's smart, so I asked her "What does Presidents Day mean?" 

I was waiting for something about Obama, Bush, or Clinton, etc.

She replied,  "Presidents Day is when the President steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have another year of Bullshit."

You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out of your nose.

Thank You Brighid (LINK) 

Sunday, February 15, 2015

The Mystic

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the
           Mystic delivered grave news:

"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be
           blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will
           die a violent and horrible death this year."
           Visibly shaken, Carol stared at the woman's lined face,
           then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands.
           She took a few deep breaths to compose herself - and to
           stop her mind racing. She simply had to know.
           She met the Fortune Teller's gaze, steadied her voice and
           asked, "Will I be acquitted?"
          [For some reason, women tend to like this joke a lot.]
Thanks Hal