Saturday, August 31, 2013

Shipwrecked ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

A shipwrecked sailor washed up on the shores of a deserted island ..........time went past and he managed to keep body and soul together , until one day after about a year ........a GORGEOUS young woman  , clad in a skin-tight wet suit swam ashore from nowhere.
Goes without saying   the man was astonished .   The young woman introduced herself , asked for his story and settled down to listen,..after a few minutes  , she asked if he'd like a cigarette  , opened a zip pocket and pulled out a packet of 20 and a lighter............soon after , she asked if he'd like a packet of biscuits , opened another zip pocket and produced said packet of bikkies............later still  ,  she stood  up , started unzipping her wetsuit and asked if he'd  '' like to play around  '' this the man stood back and replied ...'' Don't try to fool haven't got room in that outfit for a set of golf clubs ''...............................

Thanks Dan !

Other Shipwrecked Rule 5 ers:

Friday, August 30, 2013

The Greatest Bar Ever !

What a great idea for a club.

Thanks Dan !

We're doing our last show of the summer this weekend.

Thursday, August 29, 2013


Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR?

Dear Abby,
I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.

Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

Dear Abby,
I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?

Dear Abby,
My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.

Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.

Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short tempered I think she is going through mental pause.

Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?


Remember, these people can vote!

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Sign in Dr's. Office

I'm sure that you have seen pharmaceutical advertising in
doctor's offices on everything from tissues to note pads.
This one should get First prize....

I emailed it to my Japanese doctor friend; he emailed back:
"If light stay on more than 4 hour, call erectrician.

(This make me raff out roud.)

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Blondishly ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

Locked Out of Car

Two blondes lock their keys in the car. One of the blondes 
tries to break into the car while the the other one watches.
Finally the first blonde says "Darn, I can't get in the car! 
"The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is 
going to rain and the top is down".

Otherishly Rule 5 ers:

Friday, August 23, 2013

Figures Don't Lie, But Liars Can Figure

From a total of 44 US Presidents: Obama rated 5th best president ever.
The Democratic publicity release said,"...after a little more than 5 years, Americans have rated President Obama the 5th best president ever."
The details according to White House Publicists:
Reagan & Lincoln tied for first,
23 presidents tied for second,
17 other presidents tied for third,
Jimmy Carter came in 4th, and

Obama came in fifth.
Thanks Dan !

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Remember This Guy ?

Well, at last weekend's Art and Crafts Show
I was blessed with this sight below. The guy 
just didn't know who he was displaying his 
IQ to. Only he will know who he is. I didn't 
want to photograph his face.

I'll bet this is a libtard from San Francisco.

Hey Buddy, you for got the rest of your hat!
Being bald myself, I know his dermatologist will love him.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

The Ages Have It . . . .

At a certain age... it comes down to this.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Polish ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
(One of these is her? Oh, I had to get the babes in somewhere.)

Although his English was not perfect, they got along very well.
One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him to arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean what are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland .

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.

What makes you think that?
I got proof.

What kind of proof?
She going to poison me.

She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.
I can read English pretty good, and it say:

Thanks Dan ! 

  And here some utter Rule 5 ers:

Friday, August 16, 2013

Star Trek . . .

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving 
a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention 
center where he was introduced to a U.S. Marine General.

As they talked, the Iranian said, "I have just one question 
about what I have seen in America."
The General said, "Well, anything I can do to help?"
The Iranian whispered, "My son watches this show called 
Star Trek and in it there is... Kirk who is Canadian, Chekhov 
who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura who is black, 
and Sulu who is Japanese, but there are NO Muslims. My son 
is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any 
Iranians, Iraqis, Afghans, Egyptians, Palestinians, Saudis, 
Syrians, or Pakistanis on Star Trek."
The General laughed, leaned toward the Iranian Ambassador, 
and whispered in his ear, 
"That's because it takes place in the future..."

Thanks Dan !

PS: Well boys and girls, for the next three weeks these posts, for
the most part, will be pre-posted. Starting today we have shows
three week-ends in a row. I'll squeeze in my visits to yous guys when I can. After Labor Day weekend we're done for the
summer. So, the next three shows will be at Tahoe City, Tahoe
City, and Homewood. They are all at Lake Tahoe.  

Thursday, August 15, 2013

I Love A Parade . . .

Only in America, could you get away 
with this without getting shot. 
Thank God we are free . . . For Now

Bessemer, Michigan is a small community in 
Michigan ’s Upper Peninsula,
located near Ironwood and Wakefield, Michigan and 
Hurley, Wisconsin.
For those who don't recognize it, the trailer behind the
tractor is a manure spreader.

Thanks Dan !

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

People of Walmart ... The Musical? (Woodsterman Style)

Actually, I've been following Jessica on YouTube for about 4 years. It's been a hoot.

What's better than Woodsterman and Walmart ?

Monday, August 12, 2013

Test for Alcoholism

I am not an alcoholic according to the test results.

I have been concerned about a few of you so when 
I saw this simple test, I thought I should forward it 
to you :

Simple Alcoholism test that you can take in the 
privacy of your computer......

This is a test to determine....

If you are an alcoholic

(Scroll down for your results)

If you saw the bar sign, you are an Alcoholic.

Sunday, August 11, 2013


New sign at Wal-Mart:

I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00. I said "May I have large bills, please".
She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."
When I got up off the floor ---  I explained it to her.

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car - we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door.
As I watched from the passenger side - I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!'
His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS

We had to have the garage door repaired.
The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute - and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time --- a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not..'
Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used Sears repair since.

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25 --- so I also handed her a quarter.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
I said, 'Yes, I know --- but this way - you can just give me a dollar bill back.
She sighed and went to get the manager - who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so - and he handed me back the quarter -and said 'We're sorry - but we could not do that kind of thing.'
The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry - but they only had iceberg lettuce.
-- From Kansas City

I was at the airport - checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it were without my knowledge - how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
Happened in Birmingham, Ala.

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually- challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'  She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing' - our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often. ' Not another word was spoken.
We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life --- couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.

They walk among us --- and make babies!
And vote for Obama, too !
Thanks Dan !