Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Saturday, July 26, 2014

More Blondishness ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

Magic Mirror 

There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.
If you told a lie it would suck you in.

One day a brunette walked into this bar. 
She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think 
I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' 
and it sucked her in.
The next day a redhead walked into the bar. 
She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think 
I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' 
and it sucked her in.
Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. 
She walked up to the mirror and said
 'I think...' and it sucked her in.

Other Blonde Rule 5 ers:

Thursday, July 24, 2014

When Comedy Was Funny!

These great questions and answers are from 
the days when Hollywood Squares'
game show responses were spontaneous, 
not scripted, as they are now!

Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up 
almost 15 minutes of the show!)

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A.. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q.. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A.. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

Thanks Dan!

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

NewsBusted 7/22/14 ~

Still My Hero

My Twilight Years ~ Clint Eastwood
As I enjoy my twilight years, I am often struck by the inevitability that the party must end. There will be a clear, cold morning when there isn't any "more."  No more hugs, no more special moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat.  It seems to me that one of the important things to do before that morning comes, is to let everyone of your family and friends know that you care for them by finding simple ways to let them know your heartfelt beliefs and the guiding principles of your life so they can always say, "He was my friend, and I know where he stood."
So, just in case I'm gone tomorrow, please know this:  I voted against that incompetent, lying, flip-flopping, insincere, double-talking, radical socialist, terrorist excusing, bleeding heart, narcissistic, scientific and economic moron currently in the White House!
Participating in a gun buy-back program because you think that criminals have too many guns is like having yourself castrated because you think your neighbors have too many kids.

DAMN! Another one got by me. Usually, the someone that sends 
me this stuff has to be "Snope" tested. I was in a hurry and let
this one go. I'm leaving it up because I really wish Clint Eastwood
had said it.


Sunday, July 20, 2014

How Adam Got Eve - The True Story

Nothing like a good Bible story to make your day.
Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you,
and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.
"She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you,
and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.
"She will praise you!
"She will bear your children, and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to
take care of them.
"She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever
you need it."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
Of course the rest is history!!!!

Thanks Trailbee!

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Static and Hula Hoops ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

A good example of static electricity ~OR~ Static Cling


Do you remember the hula hoop?

Well in case you forgot what it is, & what a fun toy it was...
This should help your declining memory.........

Remember?............ :-)

Mesmerizing isn't it ?..........

Thanks Trailbee and Dan!

Other Crazy Rule 5 ers:

Friday, July 18, 2014

Survivor ~ Texas Style

This from a transplanted Texan!!
Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows, 
Texas is planning to do one entitled: 
"Survivor – Texas Style!"

The contestants will all start in Dallas, drive to Waco, 
Austin, San Antonio, then over to Houston and down 
to Brownsville.  They will then proceed through Mission, 
up to Del Rio, El Paso, Odessa, Midland, Lubbock, and 
Amarillo.  From there they will go on to Abilene and 
Fort Worth and finally back to Dallas.
Each contestant will be driving a pink Prius with 
14 bumper stickers which will read: 

1.. "I'm A Democrat"
2. "Amnesty For Illegals"
3. "I Love The Dixie Chicks"
4. "Boycott Beef"
5. "I Voted For Obama"
6. "George Strait can't sing"
7. "Elect Hillary In 2016"
8. "Vote Eric Holder Texas Governor"
9. "I Love Obama Care and Chuck Schumer"
10. "Al Franken Is My Hero"
11. "I Side With Jane Fonda"
12. "It's Bush's Fault"
13. "Islam Is A Peace-Loving Religion"

And the last sticker is…

14. "I'm Here To Confiscate Your Guns"

The first contestant to make it back to Dallas alive wins.

Thanks Trailbee !