Sunday, December 29, 2013

Tis The Season . . . .

To My Democrat Friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or explicit, 
my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially 
responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral 
celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced 
within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious 
persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your 
choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion 
and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice 
religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a 
fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically 
uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally 
accepted calendar year 2014, but not without due respect 
for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose 
contributions to society have helped make America great. 
Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any 
other country, nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere.   
This wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, 
age, physical ability, religious faith or 
sexual preference of the sender.  

To My Republican Friends:

Merry Christmas and
Happy New Year!
In God We Trust, God Bless America!

Saturday, December 28, 2013

OLD ITALIAN LADIES ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

These four older ladies who lived in Italy
always sat outside together near the church
and chatted about when they were younger.
One month ago they pooled their money together
and bought a laptop.

Never having been, but having heard all about Florida,
They just happened to click on St. Augustine, FL.
They read about the "Fountain of Youth" claimed by
the Spaniards when they arrived there.

They collected up all they had left and sent for four
bottles of the water. As soon as it arrived, they drank as directed.
The rest of this story will make you a believer, because
Here they are today...................
No.......This is TRUE! Really!
Would We lie to you?
We have a limited supply of this water available at an
incredibly low price of just $1,499.95 a bottle.

Seriously ..

Make checks payable to:
"Democratic National Committee"
You can trust us, we would NEVER lie to you especially
about your health and well being!

My Favorite Cook, Giada De Laurentiis, Above.

Other Italian Loving Rule 5 ers:

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Monday, December 23, 2013

A Man's Christmas Greeting to All

No boy in footy pajamas Christmas Wish here!

Merry Christmas !

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Too Old ?

 Are we GETTING TOO old to DRIVE this Car?

No joke!  Scary, but true!
 Presenting the New Mercedes Benz   SCL 600
 Pretty, isn't  it? 
So? What's different about  this  car?
 Not  this...
 OR even this...


Here is  the real  difference

No Steering  Wheel

No Pedals  either
You drive this car with a  joystick

Do you think that you
can drive  with a joystick?

Your kids and grand kids  can.

The influence of video games in our  lives
has really arrived, wouldn't you  say?

But there is more!

NOW a 3-YEAR-OLD can STEAL your  car

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Deep Thought ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

Pretty deep thinking for a Saturday Morning!

Sometimes you come across an insight so profound, that it makes you feel like you were touched by Socrates, Freud or even Einstein.

Ponder the statement below:

I posted this for my intellectual friends.

 Uh, uh . . . .

uh . . . .

uh . . . .

Other Not so Pointless Rule 5 ers:

Friday, December 20, 2013

We Greybeards Have Destroyed The Planet

Checking out at the supermarket, the young cashier suggested to the
much older man, that he should bring his own grocery bags because
Plastic bags weren't good for the environment.
Woodsterman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this 'green
thing' back in my earlier days."

The young cashier responded, "That's our problem today - your
generation did not care enough to save our environment for future

She was right -- our generation didn't have the 'green thing' in its

Back then, we returned milk bottles, lemonade bottles and beer
bottles to the shop. The shop sent them back to the plant to be washed
and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and
over. So they really were recycled.

But we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.

Grocery shops bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we re-
used for numerous things, most memorable besides household bags for
rubbish, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our
schoolbooks. This was to ensure that public property (the books
provided for our use by the school), was not defaced by our
scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown
paper bags.

But too bad we didn't do the "green thing" back then.

We walked up stairs, because we didn't have a lift in every
supermarket, shop and office building. We walked to the local shop and
didn't climb into a 300 horsepower machine every time we had to go half
a mile.

But she was right. We didn't have the "green thing" in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby's Terry Towel nappies because we didn't
have the throwaway kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-
gobbling machine burning up 3 kilowatts wind and solar power really did
dry our clothes back in our early days.. Kids had hand-me-down clothes
from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.

But that young lady is right; we didn't have the "green thing" back
in our day

Back then, we had one radio or TV in the house - not a TV in every
room and the TV had a small screen the size of a big handkerchief
(remember them?), not a screen the size of Scotland In the kitchen. We
blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to
do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the
mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or
plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn
petrol just to cut the lawn. We pushed the mower that ran on human
power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club
to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.

But she's right; we didn't have the "green thing" back then.

We drank from a tap or fountain when we were thirsty instead of using
a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We
refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we
replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole
razor just because the blade got dull.

But we didn't have the "green thing" back then.

Back then, people took the bus and kids rode their bikes to school or
walked instead of turning their Mums into a 24-hour taxi service in the
family's 50,000 People Carrier which cost the same as a whole house
did before the "green thing." We had one electrical outlet in a room,
not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances and we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find 
the nearest Pub!

But isn't it sad that the current generation laments how wasteful we
old folks were just because we didn't have the "green thing" back

Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a
lesson in conservation from a smart ass young person...

We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much
to piss us off...especially from a tattooed, multiple pierced smart ass
who can't work out the change without the cash register telling them how much it is!

Here endeth the bloody lesson!

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

He Be Cool . . . .

 That would be Duhwon!

That would be me!

Monday, December 16, 2013

Class Photo

Class photo brings back so many fond memories

Sunday, December 15, 2013

DuhWon Versus DuhNasty

I would have loved to have been on that flight home.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Flight Attendants ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

 Love those Southwest Flight Attendants!

A mother and her young son were flying 
Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.  
The little boy had been looking out of the window.

He turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs 
have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why 
don't big planes have baby planes?" 
The mother couldn't think of an answer.  
She told her son to ask the flight attendant. 
He went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant, 
"If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, 
why don't big planes have baby planes?" 
The busy flight attendant smiled and asked the boy, 
"Did your mother tell you to ask me?"  The boy replied, 
"Yes, she did."
"Well," said the flight attendant, "you go and tell your 
mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest 
always pulls out on time.  
Have your mother explain that to you."

Thank You Trailbee! (LINK)

Other Flying High Rule 5 ers:

Friday, December 13, 2013

Looking Out for One Another....

Slip this note under the wiper blade of the 
next car you see in this situation.

Thanks David !

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Boating Accident

Graphic Picture of Boating Accident - Just Seconds Before the Owner Dies 

Not for the squeamish!!

SECONDS before Death (totally unaware).



Thanks Dan ! 

I've been very busy the last few days with babysitting Christmas shopping and the like. I'll catch up with my blog visits as soon as I can.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Onions and Christmas Trees

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 
"Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?"

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are 
three kinds of boobs.  In her 20s, a woman's are like 
melons, round and firm.  In her 30s to 40s, they are
 like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.  
After 50, they are like onions."


"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

         This infuriated his wife and daughter so the 
daughter said,  "Mum, how many kinds of "willies" 
are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 
"Well, dear, a man  goes through three phases.  
In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.  
In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.  
After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes.  The tree is dead, and the balls are just for decoration."

Thanks Dan !

*** Jodi is late and I can no longer wait.

Monday, December 9, 2013

Little Johny Has A Sister

OH No !!! He has a sister ??

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother,

"Frankie Brown showed me his willy today in the playground!"
Before her mother could raise a concern,
Sally said, "It reminded me of a peanut.."
Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mum asked,
"Really small, was it?"
Sally replied, "No... Salty."

Thanks Dan !

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Friday, December 6, 2013

Remembering . . . .

Woodsterman Salutes the Greatest Generation!