Friday, June 28, 2024

I'm Ready For Funderwhoopee Friday ~ PM


Here are some classic jokes from Red Skelton with a nod to John Wayne

1. Red Skelton: "John Wayne once told me, 'Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway.' I told him, 'John, I get scared just looking at a saddle!

2. Red Skelton: "I asked John Wayne how he got to be so tough. He said, 'Well, Red, I eat a lot of steak and never back down from a fight.' I told him, 'I eat a lot of steak too, but the only thing I fight is indigestion!'"

3. Red Skelton: "John Wayne walked into a bar, and the bartender asked, 'What's your poison?' John said, 'Whiskey.' I walked in right after him, and the bartender asked me the same thing. I said, 'Pepto-Bismol!'"

4. Red Skelton: "John Wayne always had that famous swagger. I asked him how he did it. He said, 'Red, it's simple, you just walk like you're carrying a pair of six-shooters.' I tried it, and now I just walk like I'm carrying a pair of groceries!"

5. Red Skelton: "I told John Wayne that I was thinking about becoming a cowboy. He looked me up and down and said, 'Red, you’re more of a cow than a boy!'"

6. Red Skelton: "John Wayne said he could tame any wild horse. I said, 'That's impressive, Duke. The wildest thing I've tamed is my hair in the morning!'"

I'm Ready For Funderwhoopee Friday ~ AM


Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.

After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?’

The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, ‘Kin ya breathe?’

The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, ‘Ya know, I’d heerd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’ but I ain’t niver seed nobody do it!’