Monday, November 30, 2015

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Lexophile . . . . Really?


A lexophile of course!

•        How does Moses make tea?   Hebrews it. 

•        Venison for dinner again?   Oh deer!

•        A cartoonist was found dead in his home.  Details are sketchy.

•        I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

•        Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

•        England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

•        I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

•        They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.

•        I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

•        Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

•        I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

•        I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

•        This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

•        When chemists die, they barium.

•        I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.  I just can't put it down.

•        I did a theatrical performance about puns.  It was a play on words.

•        Why were the Indians here first?  They had reservations.

•        I didn't like my beard at first.  Then it grew on me.

•        Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

•        When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

•        Broken pencils are pointless.

•        What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?  A thesaurus.

•       I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

•       All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen.  The police have nothing to go on.

•       I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

•        Velcro - what a rip off!

•         Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.
Thanks Hal

Friday, November 27, 2015

Happy Turkey Sandwich Day ~OR~ The Day After ~ Woodsterman Style

Life As A Turkey

When I was a young turkey,
new to the coop,
My big brother Mike
took me out on the stoop;

Then he sat me down,
and he spoke real slow,
And he told me there was
something that I had to know.

His look and his tone
I will always remember,
When he told me of the
horrors of ... Black November;
"Come about August,
now listen to me,
Each day you'll get
six meals instead of just three."

"And soon you'll be thick,
where once you were thin,
And you'll grow a big rubbery
thing under your chin;

And then one morning, when
you're warm in your bed,
In will burst the farmer's wife,
and hack off your head."
"Then she'll pluck out your
feathers so you're bald 'n pink,
And scoop out all your insides
and leave ya lyin' in the sink;

And then comes the worst part,"
he said not bluffing,
She'll spread your cheeks and
pack your rear with stuffing!"

Well, the rest of his words
were too grim to repeat,
I sat on the stoop like
a winged piece of meat;

I decided on the spot that
to avoid being cooked,
I'd have to lay low
and remain overlooked.
I began a new diet
of nuts and granola,
High-roughage salads,
juice and diet cola;

And as they ate pastries,
chocolates and crepes,
I stayed in my room
doing exercise tapes.

I maintained my weight
of two pounds and a half,
And tried not to notice when
the bigger birds laughed;

But 'twas I who was laughing,
under my breath,
As they chomped and they
chewed, ever closer to death.
And sure enough when
Black November rolled around,
I was the last turkey left
in the entire compound!

So now I'm a pet in
the farmer's wife's lap,
I haven't a worry,
so I eat and I nap.

She held me today,
while sewing and humming,

And smiled at me and said
"Christmas is coming ..."
Happy Thanksgiving 
And This Turkey's
Black Friday
Thanks Hal!

Thursday, November 26, 2015

Happy Thanksgiving ~ Woodsterman Style

And for the Ladies . . . . 

Happy Thanksgiving to ALL!

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Sunday, November 22, 2015

Sunday GIF Fun . . . .





Thank You Lloyd at FB

Saturday, November 21, 2015

Undeniable Facts ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

1. A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing it.

2. We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.

3. Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks - PRICELESS.

4. Breaking News: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband.

5. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Carlsberg & Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.

I haven't verified this on Snopes, but it sounds legit… 

A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

Thanks Dan and Hal

Friday, November 20, 2015

Obama Voter ~OR~ A Car That Tells The Whole Story

13 Kids
3 Husbands in Jail
Cadillac with "Food Stamps" on the license plate
Take pride writing your tax checks to Uncle Sam...
It goes to a Good Cause.