These glorious insults are from an era before the
English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd poison your tea."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either
She said, "If you were my husband I'd poison your tea."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either
die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace
your policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices
"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices
I admire." - Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many
obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might
"He has never been known to use a word that might
send a reader to the dictionary." -
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book;
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book;
I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter
saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked
by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my
new play; bring a friend... if you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...
if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost
like having you here." - Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships
"He is a self-made man and worships
his creator." - John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope
it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of
dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine
to run up." - Paul Keating
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always
yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it
"He loves nature in spite of what it
did to him." - Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope
without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away
"His mother should have thrown him away
and kept the stork." - Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go;
"Some cause happiness wherever they go;
others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses
lamp-posts.. . for support rather than illumination."
- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for
"He has Van Gogh's ear for
music." - Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening.
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening.
But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
Thanks David !
that was fun - thanks
ReplyDeleteI may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
ReplyDeleteWinston Churchill
And one I like to use a lot
If you're ever passing by, I would sure appreciate it.
GOODSTUFF, We on the Woodsterman staff try to make your day a little more fun because of your visit.
ReplyDeleteorbitup, Two great ones ... thanks for sharing those here.
ReplyDeleteHaaaa..."He is a self made man and worships his creator"...I wonder who that might be...Better that "Yo mama's so fat" foulin'...
ReplyDeleteThey'll live through the ages! OUTSTANDING!
ReplyDeleteNow, back to Saturday's Jan 18th, "They're Here ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style."
Scotty, how fat is she?
ReplyDeleteMarine, I know ... no photos huh.
ReplyDeleteYup.
ReplyDeleteSome people are very witty and these folks sure were. Loved this Odie.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day. ☺
Insulting people effectively requires a degree of subtle and deft use of the English language that has passed. Now it has been replaced with muther#%@&er
ReplyDeleteSome good ones I've not seen before. Thanks, Odie.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I like Goodstuff's bunny...
Mrs Who? You mean the woman with the nasturtium-colored hair and the barmaid manner?
ReplyDeleteMakes you long for the English language.
PS Not sure, but I think the one attributed to Clarence Darrow also originated with Mark Twain.
Somehow that comment by Faulkner about Hemingway did not quite rise to the level of an insult. I hate to go to the dictionary when reading.
ReplyDeleteClassics
ReplyDeletethanks Odie Dude - will link
ReplyDeleteThanks Adrienne - yeah the bunny is most hip
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always
ReplyDeleteyielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand
Charlie! You never could hold your liqueur.
Marine, You da man!
ReplyDeleteSandee Glad you enjoyed.
ReplyDeleteLL, Whatch you mean?
ReplyDeleteAdrienne, We try to be somewhat original here at Woodsterman.
ReplyDeleteEdutcher, picky, picky, picky.
ReplyDeleteRon, my dictionary is on the dock. I just copy and paste my words of wit.
ReplyDeleteRick, That's why they're here.
ReplyDeleteGOODSTUFF, Meeting new people is what it's all about. You two do know how to find each others blogs don't you?
ReplyDeleteDS, I love it when you appear smarter than me. That happens a lot huh.
ReplyDeleteNot picky, just asking.
ReplyDeleteEdutcher, Not asking, just picky.
ReplyDeleteThese are real gems. I've stolen them for a future post.
ReplyDeleteAOW, YOU WHAT? LOL ... have at them.
ReplyDeleteAs the preeminent man of letters of his day, Dr Johnson was constantly besieged by writers seeking his advice and opinions. To one such unsolicited play, he responded:
ReplyDelete"I found your manuscript both good and original. However, the part which was good was not original and the part which was original was not good."