Monday, February 25, 2013


Mule Trading

Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily in 
Starkville , MS. and bought a mule for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.
 The next morning the farmer drove up and said,
"Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night." 
Curtis & Leroy replied,"Well, then just give us our money back." 
The farmer said,"Can't do that. I went and spent it already." 
They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule." 
The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll 
gonna do with a dead mule?"
 Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off." 
The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!" 
Leroy said, "We shore can! Heck, 
we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"  

A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis & Leroy 
at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked.
"What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"
 They said,"We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do."
Leroy said,"Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer 
two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998."
 The farmer said,"My Lord, didn't anyone complain?"
 Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset.  
So we gave him his two dollars back."

Curtis and Leroy now work for the government.
They're overseeing the Bailout & Stimulus Programs.

Limit all U.S. politicians to two Terms.

One in office
One in prison

Thanks David !

Saturday, February 23, 2013

How About Woodsterman's Favorite Female Singing Voice

Crystal Gayle ~ River Road

NO Speak English ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

A German woman married a Canadian gentleman born in 
Nov Scotia and they lived happily ever after
in his home town Truro.

The poor lady was notvery proficient in English, but did 
manage to communicate with her husband. The
real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher counter and wanted to 
buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put
forward her request, so, in desperation, she clucked like 
a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs.
Her butcher got the message and gave her the chicken legs.

Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she 
didn't know how to say it, so she clucked like a chicken
and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. 
The butcher understood again and gave her some 
chicken breasts.

On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages.  
Unable to find a way tocommunicate this, she brought
her husband to the store...

(Please scroll down.)

What were you Thinking?

Her husband speaks English....hellooo!

Thanks David !
Added Bonus .... I have a generator for sale: 

Other Rule 5 ers:

Friday, February 22, 2013

The Liberal Mentality ...

Since I be votin’ for Obama, 
my taxes have gone up,

my employer stopped offering 
health insurance and

my guns were taken away.

Damn you George Bush.

Thanks David !

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Race Bannon at Breakfast

I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old
Granddaughter and I asked her.
"What day is tomorrow?"  She said "It's
President's Day!"
She is a smart kid.  I asked "What does
President's Day mean?"
I was waiting for something about
Washington or Lincoln... etc.
She replied, "President's Day is when
President Obama steps out of the White
House and if he sees his shadow, we have 
4 more years of Bull Shit."
You know, It hurts when hot coffee spurts
out of your nose!

Monday, February 18, 2013


The Navy found they had too many officers and decided 
to offer them retirement bonus. They promised any officer 
who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every 
inch measured in a straight line between any Two points in 
his body.. The officer got to choose what those two
points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured 
from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured 
at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter
and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched 
hands to his toes. He walked Out with $96,000.
The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly 
old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be 
measured replied, 'From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.'
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to 
reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous 
two Officers had received.
But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along
with him providing the measurement was taken by a 
Medical Officer.
The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to 
'drop 'em,' which he did. The medical officer placed the 
tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began 
to work back. "Dear Lord!", he suddenly
exclaimed, ''Where are your testicles?''

The old Chief calmly replied,  " Vietnam ''.
Thanks Dan !

Sunday, February 17, 2013

"Sign" of the times?

If you need a fire arm, you could do worse than shopping here.
 PINETOP, Ariz. -- A gun shop owner in eastern Arizona is making headlines with a politically-charged sign he decided to hang outside of his business. Cope Reynolds owns the Southwest Shooting Authority in Pinetop, and just days after President Barack Obama was reelected he decided that he would no longer allow Obama supporters in his store. Reynolds proceeded to put up a sign outside his business that told Obama fans that they're not welcome in his store because, "you have proven you are not responsible enough to own a firearm." Word of Reynolds' sign quickly spread across the country, with critics suggesting that Reynolds' motives were racially based. Reynolds insists he's not racist, explaining that he's just concerned about Obama's policies. "It wouldn't make a difference if he was black, white, brown, man, woman, homosexual, it wouldn't make any difference," said Reynolds. "It's the manner in which this country is being run that disturbs us." There's one thing about Reynolds' anti-Obama sign that can't be disputed: it's good for business. "We're getting people ordering guns from New York and Nevada and Idaho because of this sign," said Reynolds. "For every one I might lose I'm probably picking up 10." And even if his sign were hurting his business, Reynolds says he'd still speak his mind. "It's not about money. It's about freedom, it's about America , my kids, and what they're going to inherit," he proclaimed. Reynolds plans to keep the sign up in his store for the next four years.

Thanks Dan !

Saturday, February 16, 2013

The Brunette ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

A brunette is walking through the country, 
when she finds a bottle. She rubs it, and 
you guessed it, a genie appears.

The genie says, "You are allowed three wishes. 
But, I must warn you, anything you get, all the 
blondes in the world get twice as much."
The woman says, "Okay. Give me a nice house."

The genie replies, "You now have one nice house 
and all the blondes in the world have two."
Then the lady says, "Give me a gorgeous man."

The genie replies, "You now have one gorgeous 
man, while all the blondes have two."
The lady says, "For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it."
Other Rule 5 ers:

Friday, February 15, 2013

Plumber of the Year Awards ~ Plumber's Union Edition II

 The oak seat is a nice touch, though.
And the reason for the door is ....
This guy must have arms like an orangutan.
   Close Quarters
Very Classy. (The Throne?)

Thanks David !

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Plumber of the Year Awards ~ Plumbers Union Edition

 How does this even get past the planning phase?
 Not much privacy there, eh?

 To all that come here: HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY !

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Monday, February 11, 2013

Snipe Hunting in Obamaville

OK boys and girls, some of you gave up on the
Snipe Hunt yesterday. So, here he is in all of his
glory before LL drowns him in gravy.

As an added bonus we have a song from YouTube.


Sunday, February 10, 2013

Spot the 'Invisible' Animals IV

 No 14:  a common snipe in the shoreline
 No 15: a night hawk
 No 16: a coyote at the edge of the bush
No 17: a blue dacnis

Thanks David!

Friday, February 8, 2013

Spot the 'Invisible' Animals III

 No 10:  There’s definitely a spotted deer in here!  Honest!
 No 11:  A white tailed ptarmigan!
 No 12: There’s an impala in here somewhere!
No 13:  A cheetah cub ~ Happy Feline Friday!

Thanks David !

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Medical Terms in Redneckland

Rednecks have the lowest stress rate because they 
do not take medical terminology seriously.

 Thanks David !

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Spot the 'Invisible' Animals II

No 6:  Can you find the snake

No 7:  How about the leopard?
 No 8 Squirrel

No 9:  Wow this owl is amazing!

Thanks David !

Monday, February 4, 2013

Spot the 'Invisible' Animals

 No 1:  Giraffe.
 No 2:  A wolf peering out from trees.
 No 3:  Can you spot the caiman?

No 4: Tricky one this!   Can you find the owl!
No 5: Don't know what a pika is but it’s hiding in here somewhere!

Thanks David !

PS ... Not saying more about it ... My 49ers lost.