Monday, October 31, 2011

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Hangover Finalists ... 3

And the winner is . . . . . 

Thanks David !

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Hangover Finalists

I had to doctor a couple of things ...

Thanks David !

Monday, October 24, 2011

Old Folk ... I Are One Too


George Phillips, an elderly man from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up
 to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden
 shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back
 door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed
 stealing things.

 He phoned police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
 He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and
 stealing from me.

Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock
 your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.."

 George said, "Okay."

 He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again..

 "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people
 stealing things from my shed.. Well, you don't have to worry about them
 now because I just shot and killed them both, my dogs are eating them right
 now" and he hung up.

 Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire
 Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips'
 residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

 One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said you'd shot them!"

 George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

 (True Story) I LOVE IT!
 Don't mess with old people.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Fuzzy Links

Well boys and girls, She's done it again. 
She has completely left me speechless.
As most of you know that's not easy. 
She wrote a letter to the great unwashed 
of Wall Street. I'm going to give you a 
teaser here with a link there, and I expect
you to use it.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Open Letter To #OWS "Revolutionaries"

Dear "Occupy" People,

This may come as a surprise to you, but when most people hear you, all we hear is a strange, alien shriek that starts with "No Fair!"  and ends with "Gimme!" 

We hear: "I made bad choices, didn't think things through, never even imagined that everything wouldn't go exactly as I wanted it to.  So now that I have student loans I signed for and can't pay back (because I can't find a job I think worthy of my awesomeness), I want someone else to pay."

LINK ...

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Oh Nurse (2) ~ OR ~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

Black Testicles
A male patient is lying in bed
in the hospital,
Wearing an oxygen mask over his
mouth and nose,
Still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure
A young student nurse appears to give him a
partial sponge bath.
Nurse,' he mumbles, from behind the mask
'Are my
testicles black?'
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies
'I don't know,Sir.
I'm only here to wash
your upper body..'
He struggles to ask again,
'Nurse, are my
testicles black?'
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles,
she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his
penis in one hand and his
Testicles in the other,lifting and moving them
around and around gently.
Then, she takes a close look and says,
... 'No sir, they aren't and I assure you, there's nothing wrong
With them, Sir !!'
The man pulls off his oxygen mask,
smiles at her and
Says very slowly,
'Thank you very much.
That was
wonderful, but listen
Very, very closely......
A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s -b a c k ?'

I feel better all ready !

Other Places to spot Rule 5 Babes:
Reaganite Repulican  
Randy's Roundtable
Proof Positive
Ron's Guns and Bikinis

Friday, October 21, 2011

Only in San Francisco

Restaurant nudity to be debated in San Francisco

By Abby Sewell (The Los Angeles Times)
Thu Oct 20 2011 8:41 AM
Nudist foodies in San Francisco may soon find themselves forced to cover up.

Public nudity is legal in the Bay Area city, and no one is suggesting that residents will be barred from taking a stroll down the street or a picnic at the park in the buff.

But restaurants may soon be off limits to the unattired, and San Francisco supervisors are also considering codifying a practice that nudists call "normal etiquette," by requiring those who bare it all in public to lay down a cover on public seating before they sit down.

The Board of Supervisors public safety committee will consider the ordinance, introduced by Supervisor Scott Wiener, at a hearing Thursday, the San Francisco Chronicle reported.

Wiener said last month that the ordinance is "about basic public health."

Nudists will be able to voice their opinions at the supervisors' meeting, but they will be required to cover up in City Hall, the Chronicle reported. 
*Check out the Supervisor's name ... I guess he'll be the 
Master-debater ...  (Original Article HERE) 

Thursday, October 20, 2011


 I'm not eating at this place.
 Now that might work!
This one is just great....let's see, jackhammer noise or
cigarettes.Which one is better for my unborn child?

 DVD rewinder. what were they thinking?
 I think this is why Winn Dixie went out of business.
Yea. should we tell him that even the short bus uses oil?... 

"Life's tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid."
-John Wayne

Thanks Dan !

Wednesday, October 19, 2011


 Lose weight, then go have some pie and ice cream!
That's great! I think everyone should have both a DRAEM and a DERAM!
Too many people just have DREAMS these days!

 Who the Hell was in charge of their advertising?
I would like to have seen him do this...
Those are lighthouses?

Thanks Dan

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

"Greedy Libs" From Wild Bill

We have a last minute fill in for Jodi.
She's MIA ... Thanks Wild Bill !

Monday, October 17, 2011

Government Cutbacks - NEEDED

Why not start now, from the top, trimming taxpayer 
paid family vacations, and the political campaigning

Blessed are the Cracked
for they let in the Light!
Salary of retired US Presidents .............$180,000 FOR LIFE
Salary of House/Senate ........................$174,00​0 FOR LIFE
Salary of Speaker of the House ............$223,500 FOR LIFE

Salary of Majority/Minority Leaders ...... $193,400 FOR LIFE

Average Salary of a teacher ................ $40,065

Average Salary of Soldier DEPLOYED IN AFGHANISTAN $38,000

Don't forget our Representatives voted
for this ... PASS THIS ON !

Thanks Dan !

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Political Science 101


You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.

You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone. 

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pour the milk down the drain.

You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded        trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

You have two cows but you don't know where        they are.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

You have two cows.
You drink some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You drink some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

You have all the cows in   Afghanistan , which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature'
s private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.


You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one accidentally vote for the
black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best
looking cow.

You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegal.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

Friday, October 14, 2011

NewsBusted 10/14/11 ~

As you know I'm in the Gold Country for a few days ... 
Dudes and Dudettes, I found some "Occupiers". Yup, here 
in Nevada City. There were about ten very smelly, 
dred-locked (not cleaned in a year), Deer in a head light 
looking,  20ish looking kids. My wife (a very, I'm 
ashamed to say, apathetic person) asks, "why are you 
looking at them like "THAT" "? I just roll my eyes and Say, 
"The hippy craze was 45 years ago ... and what stupid M-Fer 
is going to "occupy" redneck country?"

Thursday, October 13, 2011

The Van . . . . and Two More / Three-fer Thursday

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one
useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or
more is a congress. - - - John Adams


How do you know when it is time to "hang up the car keys"?


The Daughter . . . . 

My daughter just walked into the living room and said:
"Dad, cancel my allowance immediately,
rent my room out,
throw all my clothes out of the window,
take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my laptop.
Please take all of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house." Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will.

Well, she didn't put it quite like that.. she actually said...

"Dad I have decided to work for Obama’s reelection campaign."
Author Unknown, but a great man!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

< < < < There's Been A Change There


If you look to the left, I've withdrawn my support for
Michele Bachmann. The little "Feisty One" just can't
keep her foot out of her mouth. 

I've decided to stay out of the fray until there is a 
winner, and then jump in with both feet. I will vote
Conservative in the California Primary, and Mitt is
NOT one. 

My main GOAL is to beat Obama in 2012. If the 
Republicans pick Mitt I'll hold my nose and vote for
him. Please, if you love this country as I do, don't
stay home or vote for an independent.

This was posted from the Gold Country with a Sloooow connection.

UPDATE: A few of you misunderstood me, I guess. I didn't say
I wouldn't vote for Michele Bachmann (I love the woman). I just meant I 
wasn't going to openly support any candidate on these pages.

They Can't Be At Walmart All the Time III

Thanks David !

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

NewsBusted 10/11/11 ~

 The little woman and I are taking a few days
and visiting the Gold Country. They're supposed
to have internet, but just in case I preposted ...
This is a test.

I almost forgot ... a little A$$hole called me a Nazi on my
YouTube page the other day. My channel is very mild
compared to some. It's OK, he's banned from commenting
and his comment was erased ... little twit!