Friday, August 31, 2012

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

The Preacher

A South Carolina pastor said to his congregation, 
“Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor 
that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible 
lie and one which a Christian community cannot 
 tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to 
accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to 
 stand and ask forgiveness from God and this 
Christian family."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to 
face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, 
you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel
glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again, all was quiet
Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous beauty with a 
body that would stop a runaway train rose from the 
 third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice 
 quivered as she spoke,  "Reverend there has been a 
terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a 
 member of the Ku Klux Klan.  I simply told a couple 
of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

Monday, August 27, 2012

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Saturday, August 18, 2012

The Blond ~ OR ~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

 This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all
these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid,
 so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are
smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is
going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
 The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets
down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and
 smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living
room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at
the same time.
 He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks
what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him
that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by
painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a ski jacket
over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the
directions on the paint can and they said....
Blond joke stolen from "Cool Blonde Jokes" (LINK)

Other Rule 5 ers:
Doing a show this weekend (Friday, Saturday, and Sunday) and will be scarce.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Replacement ...

* Jodi let me down, and I have to leave.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

My Electric Bill...

I complained about my recent electric bill and here's the response :

Dear Customer, 
Just a little note to let you know we understand your anger in the recent price hike.
But it should be noted that you have no choice.
We are a big company and you will pay what we tell you.
You have no choice We have the power, you need the power.  
So sad....too bad. We have enclosed a little picture to help 
outline our response. Have a nice day and keep those checks coming! 


      Your Local Power Co .
Thanks David !

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Monday, August 13, 2012

*A Few Months From Now...*

Stolen From Joe Lyddon:

The Presidential election of 2012 was too close to call.  Neither Mitt Romney nor Barack Obama had enough electoral votes to win.  There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but it was mutually decided that a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the most sportsmanlike way to settle this election.

*The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election and become the President of the United States of America. *

After much of back and forth negotiations, it was decided that the contest would take place on the remote frozen Lake Metigoshe, in north central North Dakota, a non-swing state that could be considered a neutral site. There were to be no observers present with each fishing candidate. Both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake near the Canadian border. Both would return at 5 PM with their day's catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties.

*At the end of the first day *of fishing in sub-zero temperatures out on the lake, The Michigan raised Mitt Romney returned to the starting line and he had 10 walleyes.

Soon thereafter, Barack Obama returned and had no fish.

Well, everyone assumed he was just having a bad day, or something, and hopefully, he would catch up with the next day's fishing tally.

*At the end of the second day,* Mitt came in with 20 northern pike and Barack came in again with none.

*That evening,* the Democratic Advisors, Cabinet Members, Appointees and Czars to Obama got together secretly, and his Campaign Manager, David Axelrod said, "We think Romney is a low-life, cheating Republican son-of-a-gun. Tomorrow, we all recommend that you don't even bother fishing, President Obama.  Hide on the shore in the evergreens and spy on Romney to see how he's cheating so we can expose the truth about his "not being fair".  We can leak that shocking revelation to our friends in the media so the public will be on our side, regardless of the outcome of the agreed competition.

*The next night,* after Mitt returned with 50 walleyes, pike and trout and Barack again had none, the Democrats got together to hear Barack Obama's eye witness report of how the Republicans were cheating.

The astonished incumbent Obama told his supporters,

*"Let me, umm, make this, umm, perfectly're not gonna to believe this...  but he's cuttin holes in the ice!"*

Sunday, August 12, 2012