Sunday, October 16, 2011

Political Science 101


You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.

You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone. 

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pour the milk down the drain.

You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded        trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

You have two cows but you don't know where        they are.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

You have two cows.
You drink some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You drink some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

You have all the cows in   Afghanistan , which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature'
s private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.


You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one accidentally vote for the
black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best
looking cow.

You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegal.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.


USA_Admiral said...

Maybe the occutards doing the occupy thing should read this?

I mean who doesn't like big udders?

Randy-g said...

I aint saying how many cows I have...Get your own!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Admiral, "Occutards" is a great word. I don't know, but I'll tell Arnold you say hi.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Randy, it's the udders huh.

Opus #6 said...

It's the udder truth!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Opie, isn't it udderly ridiculous.

The War Planner said... usual, you come up with an updated and extremely funny version of this old parable.

Where do you get this stuff?

I can only begin to imagine what your attic looks like.

WomanHonorThyself said...

lmboooooooooooooo perfect!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

TWP, Dan sent it to me. I forgot to thank him.

Oh it's confusing up there.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

WHT, that's why I'm here.

Teresa said...

Cows rule! Great post, Odie!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Teresa, It's the udder truth.

Scott said...

My cows all have two legs shorter than the others from walkin' these hills round hea!...Can I get a government subsidy for the decrease in meat production?...C'mon Obama, I deserve someone else's steak!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Scott, go to Wall Street and take what you need.