TRUE STORY!
Moved to North Dakota this fall. We heard that summers are fun and winter is beautiful. We think there is no more beautiful a place in the whole world!
December 8 - 6:00 PM It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic, we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9 - We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!
December 12 - The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14 - Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15 - 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16 - Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17 - Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God! I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20 - Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but. they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22 - Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob-who has a plow on his truck-for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.
December 23 - Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago. She says she did but I think she's lying.
December 24 - 6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling, and then he comes down the street...at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents...but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.
December 25 - Merry f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to feed her through a chipper shredder.
December 26 - Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27 - Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $4,400 to replace all my pipes.
December 28 - Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!
December 29 - 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30 - Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.
December 31 - I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8 - Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed ???
-Author Unknown
(I could have written this)
Other versions he's moved to MA (serves him right) and moves to FL (what just bit me?).
ReplyDeleteedutcher, what just bit me ... LOL.
DeleteOh, gosh. I cried laughing.
ReplyDeleteYou all be safe and God bless. :)
LindaG, I planned it that way.
DeleteIt's nearly impossible to believe that the first snow in North Dakota wasn't until December 8. September 8, that's possible. November 8, no doubt about it. But December. Heck, even in upstate NY we usually had a foot of snow on the ground by then every year.
ReplyDeleteDrew458, I speak from many years of experience, every year is different.
DeleteBack in the 1970's I spent 10 very long winters in Minnesota. I have had my share of ice, snow and freezing temps. No thank you.
ReplyDeleteJohn, I know the feeling, but I'm stuck in the snow because Mrs. Woodsterman won't move away from her grandson.
Deleteto comment here using Firefox from a PC:
ReplyDeleteFirst sign in to google.
then in Firefox, click the menu button (the 3 bars)
click Settings
click Privacy & Security
you will see that the Enhanced Tracking Protection is set to Standard
change it to custom and UNCHECK the block on cookies, with the default setting of "cross-site tracking cookies, and isolate other cross-site cookies"
Enter your comment and submit it.
Go back to settings/privacy/enhanced tracking protection and check Standard.
Go to menu/history/clear recent history
clear ALL history, and everything else including cookies and cache. Keep the logged on data if you want.
You will have to log back ito Google when necessary.
This is a real pain just to leave a comment.
Drew, there are many ways around this. I don't use Firefox for visiting other sites, but I do use it everyday. I have my Firefox set up to erase cookies and history when I close the browser. But I do have a Mac ... different?
DeleteI use Vivaldi for day to day blog posting and blog hopping. I sign into my gmail account and sign out at the end when I close Vivaldi. **Meanwhile, I'll try "Anyone" for commenters. That should help, BUT if I start getting spam again I'll have to switch back.
NoDak snow (at least around Grand Forks) is so light, fluffy, and dry that it blows itself off the roads; even off most roofs; can't even make a snowball, let alone a snow man: it just doesn't compact..
ReplyDeleteI think the story's talking about East Coast snow.
boron, you ought to see it around here. One day it will rain, the next day we get dry snow, and the third it will be wet snow at 100 pounds a shovel full.
Delete@ Drew458
ReplyDeleteI just tried it in Lunascape Phoebe and Yandex browsers (I typically use Chrome) and had no problem whatever; maybe Firefox is not the way to go today.
boron, anything should work at the moment because I've lifted the google membership requirement.
DeleteThat picture is taken about 6 miles from my home at the Four Mile Road exit on I-75 in Michigan just outside Grayling. It's from the Great Blizzard of the late 70's.
ReplyDeleteBob, well there you go.
DeleteWe had a neighbor move in one October a few years ago from Tennessee. We had a fairly normal southern Montana winter, nothing too remarkable. Come March they were packing up and moving back to Tennessee. Apparently, they'd never been as cold or as sick in their lives.
ReplyDeleteSherm, we get a lot of those here too, especially last spring.
DeleteIt's exactly like the article said. Snow all winter and frickin' cold! Don't come here to visit or move here to live. It's just awful! 9 months of winter and 3 months of tough sledding. Did I mention you shouldn't move here?
ReplyDeleteMark@Bismarck, you know I think you did mention it.
DeleteI was stationed at Minot AFB back in the '70s. Tried living off base the first year (BIG mistake! Found myself getting up at 0300 to leave at 0400 to be on time for an 0730 Alert Briefing). After experiencing my first NoDak snowstorm, my Crew Commander, who lived on-base asked me to pick him up as his car was snowed in. I got to his house and stared at a snowdrift that started at the curb, and went OVER the roof of the house. Not just his, but the entire block! His front, side, and garage doors were buried. He had to pry open the living room window to crawl out.
ReplyDeleteAnon, you were describing my mornings going to work. Those mornings started at 3:00 am also. When I got to work I got to work in it too for the telephone company.
DeleteHunted up in Wyoming close to South Dakota couldnt drink the water made everything brown lotsa minerals we took our own water. Folks were good people deer were plentiful baged a nice 10 point Whitetail.
ReplyDeleteAnon, I've a lot of fun up that way.
Delete