Thursday, February 21, 2019

Things To Ponder


1·      I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

2·      There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

3·      Life is sexually transmitted.

4·      Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

5·      The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

6·      Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

7·      Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

8·    Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

9·      All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

10·    In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it  Normal . 

11·    How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

12·    Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever Comes out'?

13·    If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

14·      Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

15·      If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

16·        If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

17·      Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? 

18·      Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

19·    Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? 

20·    Do you ever wonder why you come here?

Thanks David

10 comments:

edutcher said...

14 He only wants to see your twat, not your bazoobz and behind.

20 Never.

Sandee said...

I never wonder why I come here. I know why I come here.

Still shoveling snow I'm guessing. This global warming thing is awful. Oh wait, they changed the name to climate change because of all the rain, snow and below zero temperatures. It's hard to keep up.

Have a fabulous day, Odie. 😎

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

edutcher, thank you, and for the first part, well, I leave that to you.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Sandee, It was supposed to be sunny today, but it's snowing again ... ENOUGH!

Cederq said...

This are life Hacks, I learnt something today...

Kid said...

Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural ?

Why do you park on a Driveway and drive on a Parkway?

Why are galaxies racing further away from each other? - democrats or farting cows?

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Cederq, I love when you learnt stuff.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Kid, is this a surprise quiz or can I study?

Kid said...

Seems studying with live subjects would be more fun.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Kid, we'll get right on that.

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