Best of '14

The Best Smart-Ass Answers of 2014!!
 
SMART ASS ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during an airline flight.
'Would you like dinner?', the flight attendant 

asked John, seated in front.
'What are my choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER #5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate 

to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her 

hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and 

flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need 

to see your ticket, not your stub.'


SMART ASS ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the 

grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for 

her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys 

get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead...'
 

SMART ASS ANSWER #3

The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was 

stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been 

waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on 

his way without a ticket.
 

SMART ASS ANSWER #2

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and 

noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before 

he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his 

truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car 

and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips 

and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge 

and I ran out of gas.'
 
SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2014!!
 
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 

'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here 

tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal 

injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, 

no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and 

asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering 

from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When 

silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, 

shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to 

write the exam with your other hand.'

A BONUS EXTRA

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. 

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 

'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly... I really need you to 

pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.

Thank You Mr. Trailbee!