Jokes And Coffee ?

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, 

by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with 

the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her

in the morning...

************************

The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, 

so I did. She's 21, and her name's Kathy.

*************************

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were 

shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because 

my girlfriend is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 

10th anniversary.

**************************

My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his 

class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! 

You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."

***************************

The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having 

sex with me because she can't afford batteries.

***************************

A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator 

says, "How do you know?" The man says "The sex is about the 

same, but the ironing is piling up!"

****************************

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get
reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said 

she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously 

haven't been listening."

*****************************

My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare 

for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her 

clothes back.

******************************

The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could 

contribute towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we'd love to, 

but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.

Thanks David !