Wednesday, August 19, 2015


Understanding Engineers #1:

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Understanding Engineers #2:

To the optimist, the glass is half-full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers #3:

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!"

The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if here's anything she can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers #4:
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons.

Civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers #5:

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?”

Understanding Engineers #6:

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers #7:
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."

And finally:

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.

One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"

Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently serving as elected members of Congress.

Thanks Dick


Linda said...

Love it when we can start our day with some laughs!

joeh said...

Good ones!

Sandee said...

Bwahahahahahahaha. I stole the talking frog one. It will post next Tuesday.

Have a terrific day Odie. ☺

edutcher said...

You forgot the one about the 2 engineers and a Microshaft employee driving along when the car breaks down.

One engineer wants to take the ignition apart, the other wants to look at the suspension.

The Microshaft guy says, "Turn it off and then turn it back on again and see if it works".

Adrienne said...

Number 5 is spot on.

My degree was in business with a minor in science, so I ask, "How much money can we make with this" first. Second question depends on the answer to the first question.

Fredd said...

Mechanical engineers are some of the biggest cowards on the planet. Since they design gizmos that move, and often move with people involved, they over-engineer absolutely everything, and disclaim every known possible thing that can go wrong.

They engineer these gizmos to withstand meteor strikes, and to survive zombie apocalypses, but will never guarantee any of it.

Complete cowards.

Ron Russell said...

Damn Odie those cracked me up, Hard to pick a winner, but the golf game would come in first with me.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Linda, I love it when I can contribute to that.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Joeh, we all thank Dick for that.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Sandee, Steal away.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Edutcher, did it work?

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Adrienne, do you want fries with that?

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Fredd, but do they test their own Gizmos?

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Ron, that was my question as I was reading it myself.

springeraz said...

Odie...this is great stuff...I shamelessly stole the "glass half empty/half full" thing and did a piece based on it...(with a link to you)...thanks man

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

springeraz, thank you!

denis miller said...

as a mechanical engineer I love your definition of mec vs civil engineers!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Denis, We at Woodsterman do what we can.