Sunday, December 9, 2012

Finally the "Hope & Change" Some Have Been Waiting For

The Americans With No Abilities Act

President Barack Obama and the Democrat-controlled Senate are considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates for the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said California Sen. Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing."

In a Capitol Hill press conference,  Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons With No Ability.

Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the inept include retail sales (72 percent), the airline industry (68 percent), and home-improvement warehouse stores (65 percent). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons with No Ability (63 percent).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability (POI) into middle-management positions, and give a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, "Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?"

"As a non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Mich., due to her inability to remember righty tighty, lefty loosey. "This new law should be real good for people like me. I’ll finally have job security." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Sen. Dick Durbin: "As a senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so."

Thanks David!

20 comments:

LL said...

Finally the ObamaNation has honed in on an opportunity for ME. I have been waiting (patiently) for the Americans with no abilities act so that I could get a highly paid (union) job with a company -- and simply not show up, ever. The salary and benefits that will come from this will change my life forever. Thanks Barack!!

Randy-g said...

When LL doesn't show up for work, I will not show up to replace him! We all win!

Sandee said...

Bunch of lunatics running the country. No wonder they want that word removed out of federal legislation. It applies to most of them.

This has been happening for far too long anyway, but now they have a name for it and they can legislate it.

Have a terrific day. :)

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

LL, enjoyyy!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Randy, that's the spirit dude.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Sandee, calm down ... this is a joke, but I will admit not too far from reality.

Red said...

I'm with LL and Randy-g. Sign me up for summa dat free money!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Red, I'm sure there's plenty for all of us. If not they'll just make more.

And, thank you so much for stopping by.

edutcher said...

It's one thing to think it, it's another when somebody slams the truth in your face. That gag is a lot closer to the truth than many people think.

PS Odie, I've understood how Dictator Zero hates this country for 4 years, but, damn!, seeing that picture made me mad!

Thanks.

I think we all needed that.

Jim said...

Hi Odie ~~ I think most of those who need the POI benefits are to messed up to take them.

I have a daughter who is POI for sure. Her only problem is that like most 'conservatives' she thinks that she is one and the the benefit is for her.

She can afford insurance but doesn't have any. She will opt for the emergency room like your wife with he stuck toilet seat did.

Of course the Afordable Health Act is for her. I wish someone would make her buy insurance, I sure get tired of the high taxes and my increased medical bills to make up for those free ER visits.
..

Ron Russell said...

I'm a righty in a lefty world! Does that qualify me?

banned said...

Wasn't that already enacted when Jimmy Carter forced your banks to give mortgages to all the unemployed people in Alabama thus creating Toxic Debt and the Credit Crunch?

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Edutcher, humor tends to be it's best when it mirrors the truth.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Jim, I know what you mean. Some loved ones are here to test us.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Ron, I'm sure that's RIGHT up there.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Banned, that where the "Tradition" started I think.

Scott Way said...

I discovered that under Obuma 102 employees have been hired PER DAY at government house...Inept leading the inept.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Scott, and they don't even thank you for paying for it.

Bruce said...

Lookie dat... a picture of a liberal in his natural habitat!
I guess this explains why some sheeple thought that lamont insane obama was a "whiz kid"!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Bruce, lookie, lookie ...