Friday, May 19, 2017

The Accident



A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch." The man perks up.

So, the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"

"Yes I have," says the man.

"And has she helped you make a decision?"

"Yes" says the man.

"What is your decision?" asks the doctor.

"We're getting granite counter tops."


Thanks David

8 comments:

LL said...

A union boss walks into a crowded bar next to the factory and is about to order himself a drink, when he sees a guy close by wearing a "Make America Great Again" cap and a TRUMP for President button, and a beer in front of him.

He does not have to be an Einstein, to know that this guy, is a Republican.

So, he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for the Republican."
Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the Republican gives him a big smile, waves at him then says, "Thank you!" in an equally loud voice. This infuriates the union boss.

Later, the union boss once again loudly orders drinks for everyone, except the Republican. As before, this does not seem to bother the Republican. He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!" The union boss says to himself, "Damn Republican!"

After a while, the union boss once again loudly orders drinks for everyone, except the Republican.

As before, this STILL doesn't seem to bother the Republican who continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!"

The union boss asks the bartender, "What the hell is the matter, with that Republican? I have ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all that silly ass does is smile and thank me. Is he nuts?"

"Nope," replies the bartender. "He owns the place."

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

LL, LOL! ... LL, LOL! ... LL, LOL!

edutcher said...

Somehow, I think he talked to somebody else.

Mike aka Proof said...

There you go, gents. Never take anything for granite!

Sandee said...

Bwahahahahahahaha on your joke and LL's joke. Loved them both.

Have a fabulous day and weekend, Odie. ☺

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

edutcher, true story.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Proof, could be hard.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Sandee, me too!