Friday, November 7, 2014

Lovemaking Tips For Seniors


1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.
 

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
 

3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)
  

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.
 

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember...
 

6.  Use extra poly grip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.
 

7. Have Tylenol or whatever you use ready in case you actually complete the act...
 

8. Make all the noise you want... The neighbors are deaf, too.
 

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news .... even if its 8PM... !!
 

10.  Don't even think about trying it twice.

'OLD' IS WHEN... 
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer,
'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN...   Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes
and you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN...  You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

'OLD' IS WHEN...  'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take a laxative today.

'OLD' IS WHEN....  'getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot...

'OLD' IS WHEN...   An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

'OLD' IS WHEN...   You're not sure if these are facts or jokes.

(Posted in large type to enable reading.) Thank You Mr. Trailbee.


Hi Folks, This is a note to let you know I'll be in a hospital
waiting room today while Mrs. Woodsterman has a pacemaker
installed. I've been a bit preoccupied lately and that is why.
It's a fairly simple procedure, but it's the reason for it is
what has me scared. 

Our friend Ron is having a procedure done today also. Stop
by TOTUS and wish him well. Trust me he'll love it. 

*** Update: She's had the procedure and doing fine. It was over at 9:00 and she's eaten already. Doing great. Thank you all so much for your concern. It really means a lot.

36 comments:

sig94 said...

Hope everything goes well today. Despite what the experts say (common procedure, do it alla time, yada yada), it's still your loved one under the knife. Let us know...

USA_Admiral said...

Prayers and thought are with you!

Randy-g said...

Best wishes for the Mrs. Odie. Quit keeping her up until 8:00 PM you old dog! Snark aside, I will ask God to send you both a special blessing.

Adrienne said...

Sending massive prayers for Mrs. W today.

Dick said...

Sorry to hear that Odie. Praying for her quick recovery and that you have many more years together.

Sandee said...

So all of this is really foreplay? I thought so. Bwahahahahahahaha.

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers along with your wife and I'll go visit Ron. He's a buddy of mine.

Have a blessed day and weekend. ☺

Proof said...

Odie: We hope everything goes well. We wish the best to you and your missus (especially the missus!).

cube said...

Hope everything goes well for Mrs. Odie and for you.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

sig94, I'd be lying if I had said I wasn't scared. Thank You Sir!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Thank You Admiral.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Thank You Randy.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Thank You Adrienne, they seem to have arrived.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Thank You Dick.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Thank You Sandee,

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Thank You Proof, All did go well.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Thank You Cube.

edutcher said...

Best to you and Mrs Odie.

Now you have an excuse to say, "Not tonight"

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Thank You Edutcher, I've never said that and I refuse to start.

MadJack said...

Odie very glad your wife came out of the procedure AOK. Tough having to worrying about the better half.

Scooney Adrift said...

Glad to hear she did well with the procedure. I can understand your being anxious.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

MadJack, thank you sir. She has a room full of guests and she's chipper.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Scooney, thank you sir. She's doing great.

Z said...

I'm SO glad your wife's doing well! They get such good results with pacemakers!
I hope the "reason for it that has you scared" has been alleviated thru this procedure.
All the best to you both.

That list above is hilarious...just #1 got me laughing before I read the rest!

anticsrocks said...

Hey Odie! Don from CH2.0...tell your Missus that I know what she's going through, I've got one of them rascals in my chest, too. It's a pacemaker/defibrillator and it has saved my life at least three times that I know of.

Rick Street said...

I am praying for you and Mrs.Odie

skybill said...

Thanks Odie,
...On the other hand....forget it!!!! I'm almost, but not quite 70 years old so I might qualify. Tonight I had the test of tests put to me and all my motor functions, cognizant functions interface and all that physiological whiz-bang crap got put to the test when some idiot pulled in from across two lanes of traffic and decided he wanted to drive,"siting in my lap!!!" I managed to ascertain his trajectory interface with my ty-fighter and take the appropriate evasive maneuvers, "However," my guns jammed and I couldn't get off a proton torpedo before his shit scared ass high tailed it out of the galaxy!! Pissed me off to say the least, But!, under the circumstances, my reflexes are still in excellent shape!!! Got that!! So, as long as I can "Lock and Load!!" as ol' Geo. Patton would say,"May God help my enemies, I won't!!"(or something to that effect)
BSBD,
III%,
skybill-out

Reaganite Republican said...

Prayers across the miles, Wood Man

Brighid said...

Prayers Up for both of you. BIL has had one for years and done really well with it. Interestingly they recalibrate it via cell phone held up to his chest.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Z, thank you so much. We're both doing great. I'm getting ready to head back.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Don, thanks for telling me who you are, I never would of guessed. What you have is the exact same thing Sue just had installed.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Thank You Rick!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Thank You RR!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Skybill, I love when you leave me these coded messages. How long did it take you to get that seat cushion out of your ass?

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Thank You Brighid!

Ron Russell said...

Thanks for the thought Odie. Hope the Mrs is fine---adventures in surgery are trying times.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Ron, All went well, and best to you Buddy.