I met a fairy today. He said he would grant me one wish.
"I want to live forever", I said.
"Sorry", said the fairy. "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that."
"Fine", I said, "Then I want to die as soon as Congress gets its head out of its ass."
"You crafty bastard", said the fairy.
To My Friend On The Loss Of Her Mother - Dearest [name redacted], My dear friend, I just received your letter with the news of the passing of your mother. You have my deepest sympathies. As yo...
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