Used to work offshore, got off the tug once and visited my friend just outside of Naples. Got there right in the middle of a party. Sometime just before midnight a tooth I had been having problems with (I eventually pulled it myself with some pliers and 21 year old scotch, but I digress), started acting up.
Everyone including myself was way too hammered to drive me to the ER. So I commandeered somebody's bike and some how got all the way into town from out in the glades to a hospital I didn't know the address of, in a town I had never been to.
Nurses took one look at my swollen jaw ( I had been using duct tape offshore across my face to keep the howling winds from blowing on my infected tooth), and shot we full of happy juice.
I don't know what it was but I do know the doctor entered through a black portal that suddenly opened on the far wall in a burst of light and spoke to me in a strange tinny, Donald Duck meets spaceman accent before gliding backwards into infinity. I do remember somebody depositing a large horse pill into my suddenly oversize hand and telling me DO NOT TAKE THIS TONIGHT! After which I lied to the nice lady, told her my friends were outside, walked out to my bike and swallowed the giant pill before hopping on my bike.
That is all I remember. I woke up in a sand trap with an elderly couple standing over me discussing the possibility that I was in fact dead. They nearly keeled over when I sat up. I hopped on the bike, gave them the queen's wave and somehow made it back to my friend's place. Later I was at the nearest 7/11 store and the middle eastern dude who ran the place told me that I had come by there at about 3am. He said watching me trying to get back on the bike while chasing it around in a circle was the most entertainment he'd had since he got here!
After 40 years working offshore I know that sea stories are the best tales. Most people who work regular jobs can't imagine how much chaos a seaman/mariner can get into in a couple of hours on land and still make it back aboard on time.
ReplyDeleteAnon, I had stories like this, but I can't remember then.
DeleteAll the other blarny aside. Did you break par?
ReplyDeletebogsidebunny, I've tried, but I just can't remember.
DeleteI have a feeling there are a few R&R stories from the 60s at least as good.
ReplyDeleteedutcher, I'll never tell.
Deletemy roommate went off to the first frat party on his bike. It was hysterical watching him get on, wobble a few feet, hit the curb, fall off, get up, wobble a bit, hit the curb, etc. He did that for about half a mile mostly uphill.
ReplyDeleteAnon, what ... no film at 11:00?
Delete