Wednesday, May 15, 2019

Smart Ass Answers


It was mealtime during an airline flight.  
'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John.  
'What are my choices?' John asked.  
'Yes or no,' she replied.   



A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate
to check tickets. As a man approached,
she extended her hand for the ticket and
he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said,
'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'



A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the
grocery store but she couldn't find one
big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy,
' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'


The police officer got out of his car as the kid
who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.' 
When the cop finally stopped laughing,
he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.



A truck driver was driving along on the freeway
and noticed a sign that read:
Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it,
the bridge is right in front of him and his truck
gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up.
The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver,
puts his hands on his hips and says,
'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says,
'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'



A college teacher reminds her class of
tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class,
I won't tolerate any excuses for you
not being here tomorrow.

I might consider a nuclear attack or a
serious personal injury, illness,
or a death in your immediate family,
but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room
raised his hand and asked,
'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering
from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled
knowingly at the student, shook her head
and sweetly said,
'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam
with your other hand.'

Thanks David


edutcher said...

5 is good, 1 is better.

Cederq said...

I have written many an essay with my other hand when I was school and even some reports when I got into the work force...

Sandee said...

Bwahahahahahahahaha. Love them all and the last one was the best.

Have a fabulous day, Odie. ♪♫♪♫

Adrienne said...

I'm with Sandee - the last one made me laugh out loud.

Mac said...

Here's yer sign!

Kid said...

Numba 5 !

Memories of Eric and Flynn said...

Bwahahaha! Love them all!!

Brig said...

#5 is a winnner...

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

edutcher, we think alike.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

cederq, Good thing we all have two hands.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Sandee, my but we've found a popular topic.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Adrienne! well sometimes .........................

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Mac, and I'll wear it proudly.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Kid, we guys are all alike.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Memories Not willing to commit? LOL.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Brig, Not the last?