Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Wednesday Word Play . . . .

I changed my i Pod name to Titanic. 
It's syncing now.

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper 

spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. 

He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. 

Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, 

but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. 

It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type- O.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? 

It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. 

Then it hit me.

Broken pencils are pointless.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. 

Police have nothing to go on.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

Thanks Hal


Fredd said...

Puns, word play. I don't get it.

Now, Limericks, THERE's some real word play. That, and the Nantucket Chamber of Commerce can continue to service their yacht payments, c'mon, Odie, you know how they go...

There once was a goat herd from Riyahd
The imams took all the goats he had
Then he joined mujahidin
Oh, the places he'd seen
But it's way too much work now, this jihad

LL said...

There once was a fellow O'Doole
Who found little red spots on his tool
His Doctor a cynic
said Get out of me clinic,
And wipe off that lipstick you fool!

A pirate, history relates
Was scuffling with some of his mates
When he slipped on a cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates

There once was a woman named Jill
Who swallowed an exploding pill
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And her tits in a tree in Brazil

A new farmer's helper named Kull
Accidentally was milking a bull
The farmer said, "Boy yer dumb,
You done milked the wrong one!"
Said the boy, "But me whole bucket's full."

Twas a crazy old man called O'Keef
Who caused local farmers much grief
To their cows he would run
Cut their legs off for fun
And say "Look, I've invented ground beef!"

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Fredd, Did you know they don't have whore houses? They call them goat houses.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

LL, Where do I start? I guess the first thing is remove the lipstick.

Sandee said...

It looks like you're a post and your commenters are weighing in as well. LL had some good ones and Fred's was good too.

Have a fabulous day Odie. ☺

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Sandee, it's no more than another case of the inmates running the asylum.

edutcher said...


Words fail me.

Mike aka Proof said...

You heard about the cannibal who ate his mother-in-law?

WomanHonorThyself said...

lol silly trix are for kids!!!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Edutcher, me too if truth be told.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Proof, where were you when I posted this?

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

WHT, you know that joke too?