Hell Explained
The following is an actual question given on a University of
Arizona chemistry midterm, and an actual answer turned in
by a student.
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the
professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is,
of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat)
or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's
Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed)
or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in
time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving
into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is
unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul
gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the
different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of
their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than
one of these religions and since people do not belong to more
than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the
number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we
look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because
Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and
pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to
expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at
which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure
in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of
souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop
until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my
Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep
with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her
last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure
that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The
corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct..... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence
of a divine being which explains why, last night,
Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.
Thanks Hal
