Hanging By A Boob

While conducting some business at the Courthouse, 

I overheard a lady, who had been arrested for assaulting 

a Mammogram Technician, say, "Your Honor, I'm guilty 

but.....there were extenuating circumstances."

The female Judge said, sarcastically, "I'd certainly like to 

hear those extenuating circumstances." I did too soooo…… 

I listened as the lady told her story.

"Your Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I 

actually kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier 

smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side 

and crooned, "Hi! I'm Belinda! All I need you to do is step 

into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this 

gown. Everything clear?"

I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science."
Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to 

the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes 

and lean in a tad so we can get everything?" Fine, I answered.

I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the 

remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? 

My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with 

my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of 

square glass) when I heard and felt a zap!

Complete darkness, the power was off!

Belinda said, "Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they 

hit a snag." Then she headed for the door.

"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are 

you?" I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy...the 

door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. 

I'll be right back."

Before I could shout NOOOO! She disappeared. And that's 

exactly how Bubba and Earl, "maintenance men Extraordinaire" 

found me...half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws 

of Life and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging a polite Hi, how's it going type greeting, 

Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, 

if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much 

calmness as possible, "Uh, yes, I did but thanks anyway."

"OK, you take care now" Bubba replied and waved good-bye 

as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin.
Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, 

"Oh I am sooo sorry!
The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! 

And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended 

up between the clamps...."

The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said, 

"Case Dismissed".

As told by Katy ... Thank You !