Sunday, June 28, 2015

Sunday Sermon ~ Woodsterman Style

Hell Explained

The following is an actual question given on a University  of 
Arizona  chemistry midterm, and an actual answer turned in 
by a student.
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the 
professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, 
of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well : 
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) 
or endothermic (absorbs heat)? 
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's 
Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) 
or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following: 
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in 
time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving 
into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is 
unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul 
gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. 
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the 
different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of 
their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than 
one of these religions and since people do not belong to more 
than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. 
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the 
number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we 
look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because 
Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and 
pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to 
expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities: 
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at 
which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure 
in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.    
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of 
souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop 
until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?   
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my 
Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep
 with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her 
last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure 
that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The 
corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it 
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, 
extinct..... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence 
of a divine being which explains why, last night, 
Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'


Thanks Hal


Diogenes Sarcastica™ said...

Amen Brother! Amen.

LL said...

An A+ is well deserved.

Ron Russell said...

I completely understand the meaning of what you comprehend.

Curmudgeon said...

And since it's Sunday:

“The worst news coming out of heaven is better than the best news coming out of hell.”

Adrienne said...

Too cute!

Sandee said...

Bwahahahahahaha. I linked you to Silly Sunday.

Have a fabulous day Odie. ☺

stevebethere said...

So anyway now I understand LOLOL

Have a helllesstastic day :-)

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

DS, Yes Sister!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

LL, I did take a lot of thought.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Ron, Please to explain then.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Curmudgeon, And may I add Washington to that?

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Adrienne, yes indeed.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Sandee, many thanks again.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Steve, then you're the lucky one. Is that a good kind of day?

Timothy Hecht said...

I wish I had wrote that. I wish I had lived that too.

edutcher said...

The version I saw said he never got Ms Banyan to come across, ergo all Hell would break loose.

Either way, an oldie, but a goodie.

Like us all.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Timothy, Oh My God!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

edutcher, I'm not proud. I'll even post stuff you've seen before.

messymimi said...

At least the kid knows his chemistry! (Probably in more ways than one.)

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

messymimi, Also Biology, Anatomy, and Physiology too.

cube said...

Science! I love it.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

cube, not consensus.

Fredd said...

None of my professors had even a hint of a sense of humor. My chemistry prof would not only have flunked this guy, he would have had him flogged.

I went to the U. of Oregon. With a lot of transfer credits from Lane Community College. All staffed by commies. And Marxists. Commies, mostly.