Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Simple Truths



SIMPLE  TRUTH 1


Partners help each other undress before sex.
 

However after sex, they always dress on their own.
 

Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

 
SIMPLE  TRUTH 2


When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and saying "congrats".
 

But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say "Good job".
 

Moral of the story: "Hard work is never appreciated.



FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE

1.   Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.
 

2.   Forgive your enemy, but remember the asshole’s name.
 

3.   If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
 

4.   Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.
 

5.   Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.
 

THERE YOU HAVE IT … and remember, life is good!

Thanks David

28 comments:

Always On Watch said...

Pretty much all the life rules that we need to know!

Brooke said...

Alcohol might not solve your problems, but it makes you not worry so much about them for awhile! ;)

The first two are great! HA!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

AOW, live them, know them ...

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Brooke, milk sours with age and alcohol doesn't.

Ron Russell said...

Too bad they don't have an open season on A$$HOLES. Just one day a year would be great!

T.N.B.C. said...

If it wasn't for alcohol, a lot of people wouldn't know a thing about Truth #1 & #2...

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Ron, they do in States like Wyoming, Montana, and North Dakota. They just don't advertize it. They'd run out of tags.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

P, I know, and milk wouldn't get it done.

Randy-g said...

Odie, you knew about us up ND? Don't tell too many.

Teresa said...

Those are important rules and truths to remember. Great stuff, Odie!

edutcher said...

The problem with Simple Truth #2 is that nobody thinks what the man has to do to make the woman pregnant is hard work.

Ergo, nobody don't congratulates you for having fun

The Conservative Lady said...

Forgive your enemy, but remember the asshole’s name.

I better get started. There's a lot of people in the Obama Administration.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Randy, your secret is safe.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Teresa, what else did you expect to find here? Thank you young lady.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Edtucher, truth be known I only post this stuff and don' t write it.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Lady, pace yourself.

edutcher said...

I know, but there are all kinds of truth out there.

Diogenes Sarcastica™ said...

Definitely rules to live by.

Unknown said...

Life is self correcting, except when it comes to sex. Sooner or later, sex ALWAYS complicates things, both good and bad, but, mostly good.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

edutcher, If I'm preforming a service here you need to know it was an accident.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Diogenes Sarcastica, Every day I'm proud to say.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Unknown, Prezackly!

USA_Admiral said...

Lots of wisdom in these posts.

edutcher said...

Hah!

Good one!

Mr. AOW said...

My favorite is "forgive your enemy but remember the asshole's name."

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Admiral, that was my intention.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Edutcher, that's the idea.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Mr. Those are words to live by.