Monday, January 30, 2012

Hanging By A Boob

While conducting some business at the Courthouse, 
I overheard a lady, who had been arrested for assaulting 
a Mammogram Technician, say, "Your Honor, I'm guilty 
but.....there were extenuating circumstances."

The female Judge said, sarcastically, "I'd certainly like to 
hear those extenuating circumstances." I did too soooo…… 
I listened as the lady told her story.

"Your Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I 
actually kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier 
smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side 
and crooned, "Hi! I'm Belinda! All I need you to do is step 
into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this 
gown. Everything clear?"

I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science."
Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to 
the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes 
and lean in a tad so we can get everything?" Fine, I answered.

I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the 
remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? 
My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with 
my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of 
square glass) when I heard and felt a zap!

Complete darkness, the power was off!

Belinda said, "Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they 
hit a snag." Then she headed for the door.

"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are 
you?" I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy...the 
door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. 
I'll be right back."

Before I could shout NOOOO! She disappeared. And that's 
exactly how Bubba and Earl, "maintenance men Extraordinaire" 
found me...half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws 
of Life and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging a polite Hi, how's it going type greeting, 
Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, 
if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much 
calmness as possible, "Uh, yes, I did but thanks anyway."

"OK, you take care now" Bubba replied and waved good-bye 
as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin.
Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, 
"Oh I am sooo sorry!
The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! 
And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended 
up between the clamps...."

The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said, 
"Case Dismissed".

As told by Katy ... Thank You !

22 comments:

  1. OMG!

    Definitely Belinda needed to be slapped silly -- if not herself fastened into the vise and left for hours.

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  2. BTW, the mammo techs really are chipper. I've come close to slapping a few of them.

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  3. What is up with the tippy toes thing anyways. I swear the techs are hoping for charley horse entertainment to make their day even more chipper!

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  4. Supi, are they too lazy to lower them a couple of inches?

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  5. I have not personally been subjected to this procedure (yet) but I have heard many techs say that if it hurts, you should call for a manager because the tech is doing it wrong.

    Good joke! :)

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  6. Self exam.

    Hubby offers to help out with it every time, too. ;)

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  7. Brooke, even though you have not had the procedure yet, you would know better then me about it's short comings.

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  8. Brooke, that the way it's "handled" here too.

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  9. hey Woodsy..Have a great week my friend!:-)

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  10. At least it wasn't a colonoscopy...

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  11. A self exam sounds much safer than having a mammogram done by a technician. Definitely more dignified too.

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  12. As someone who has had more than her share of mammograms, I would say that the tech got off easy.

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  13. Mr., I like mine uninterrupted by vices.

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  14. Techs should only be allowed four or five polite instructions, and muted after the photos are done. They definitely should not be allowed to pass on their limited knowledge of what they see on the monitor as gospel! AND we should be allowed to smack, hit, kick, bite, pull hair for that damned tippy toes thing and having to listen to their EONS of experience, then find out that their words of wisdom and comfort are all bullshit, and we're back on the gurney, for another trip into the OR! God, I hate smart-ass techs!!!
    Thank you. :)

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  15. Trailbee, Don't sugar coat it, tell us what you really think.

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Put it here ... I can't wait to read it.