Thursday, August 18, 2011

Politically Incorrect

I had just come out of the store with two porterhouse steaks, a jumbo
sausage, a bag of chips, and a 6-pack of beer. A homeless man sat
there and said, "I haven't eaten for two days."
I told him, "I wish I had your frickin' will power."
Top tip: if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in
the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping
with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex. 
Wish me luck.....I appear in court next Monday.

A fat girl served me food in McDonalds at lunch time. She said, 'sorry
about the wait.' I said, 'don't worry, you're bound to lose it
I was behind a rather large woman at the checkout. 
She had on a pair of jeans that said, 'Guess.'
So, I said, "I don't know........maybe 350 pounds."
Snow in the forecast! The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8
inches tonight, I thought to myself "fat chance with a face like
I have a new pick up line that works every time! It doesn't matter how
gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner
and always end up in bed with them. Here's how it goes, "Excuse me
love, could I ask your opinion?  Does this damp cloth smell like
chloroform to you?"
Years ago it was suggested 'that an apple a day kept the doctor 
away..'   But since  many 
doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon
sandwich works best.
I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things
commonly found in cells. Apparently Blacks and Mexicans were not the
correct answers.


Brooke said...

I really love that first one.

Recently, the family went to a ball game and, I kid you not, there was a derelict with a sign that said, "Why lie, I want beer."

Asshole. Why should my husband and I work our asses off so some piece of filth can have a beer on our dime?

An aside: The city of Cincinnati has an ill-enforced law passes in the last few years requiring these chunks of offal to buy a license from the city to beg.


Randy-g said...

The homeless and willpower...I love it! That last one is true though...Right? Heh.

WomanHonorThyself said...

silly boy!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Brook, Politicians want a piece of everything ... PC or not.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Randy, I almost didn't post that last one, but we here at Woodsterman are equal opportunity insulters.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

WHT, that's what I do here.

Amusing Bunni said...

Funny Stuff, Odie. You are SO PC...hee hee.

Keep stocking up on the bacon sammies.

Supi said...

These are funny!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Bunni, bacon's goooood!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Supi, yup, that's why they're here.

Stranger in a Strange Land said...

Shame on you, Odie:

But it was dam funny.... Being correct is certainly not much fun.

Take care,

innominatus said...

Should've had me one of those bacon sammiches yesterday. But I think my guy was Indian and not mooselimb. More "Gandhi" Indian than "Geronimo" Indian but it is hard to tell sometimes.

Is that Politically Incorrect enough?

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Mike, it's all about fun. The left needs to learn to laugh.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Inno, you nailed it!

Scott said...

OK Odie, I get it. THAT'S why I keep waking up with those bruises all over me. I just can't get PC wit' da womyn!

Otis P. Driftwood said...

Bacon sandwiches are the best. Not only do they fend off mooslims but they are good for when you are hungry. Two birds with one stone (multi-tasking).

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Scotty, yous better watch out fer da womans.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Otis, you be good, but is multitasking anything like multiculturalism?

Old NFO said...

Good ones Odie :-)

Madhat said...

Would apple wood smoked bacon work twice as well?

fuzzys dad said...

Thanks for the post.
I needed the smile it provided.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Old NFO, As you know, we old farts love to say what we think.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Madhat, I'm not sure, but please let all of know when you've tried it out.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Fuzzy's Dad, that's why I and all my writers are here at Woodsterman. Glad you smiled.

USA_Admiral said...

Those are zingers!

The power of bacon sandwiches!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Admiral, you can't beat bacon.

Subvet said...

Outstanding! Proof that an evil mind is a great comfort.

LL said...

I don't find any of those truths to be politically incorrect.

Reaganite Republican said...

Linked at my place

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Subvet, It's good to hear you appreciate the finer things in life.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

LL, that's why we'll both go far ... or not.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

RR, thank you sir ... I hope you don't lose readers on my account.