Woodsterman

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Chicago Church

When I heard Al Sharpton was guest preacher at a black

Chicago Church, I decided to check him out in person

and see what it was all about.

I sat down and Sharpton came up to me, I don't know why,

maybe it was because I was the only

white person in the Church.

He laid his hands on my hand and said: "By the will of

Jesus the Lord All Mighty, and the will of God, you will

walk today."

I told him I was not paralyzed. Then Jesse Jackson came

by and repeated the same thing. Again I told him there

is nothing wrong with me.

After the sermon I stepped outside and lo and behold,

my car had been stolen ! ! !

Saturday, April 11, 2015

Old Barns ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

Thank You Dan!

View post on imgur.com

Other Rule 5 ers:

Proof Positive

Randy's Roundtable

Reaganite Republican

teresamerica

Guns and Bikinis

Maggie's Notebook

TOTUS

In a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World
Adrienne's Corner
The Feral Irishman
Knuckledraggin My Life Away
Diogenes' Middle Finger
Ninety Miles From Tyranny
Doubletroubletwo
Angrymikes hood
MissK's World...
American Power
GOODSTUFF'S CYBER WORLD
A Nod To The Gods
Act Well Your Part
Subject to Change
Your Crazy Uncle Bubba
Political Clown Parade
The Last Tradition
Average Bubba

Friday, April 10, 2015

Safari - True Story

A couple on an African Safari witnessed a

small antelope being chased by a cheetah.

The wife told the husband: “If the antelope

survives this one, I'll give you a Blow Job

every day for the rest of your life."

Watch the video.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Here's Some Serious Fun

Here is a homemade backyard roller coaster ... WHOOPEE!

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

That Little Chump, Still Screwing Things Up?

CHECK THIS PHOTO OUT!

LET'S LEAVE YOU WITH A SMILE

Thank You Hal

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Distinguished Honor

My Dear Friends:

I have the distinguished honor of being on the Committee to raise
$50,000,000 for a monument to Hillary R. Clinton.
We originally wanted to put her on Mt. Rushmore until we
discovered there was not enough room for two faces.

We then decided to erect a statue of Hillary in the Washington,
D.C. Hall of Fame. We were in a quandary as to where the statue
should be placed. It was not proper to place it beside the statue
of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside Barack
Hussein Obama, who never told the truth,
since Hillary could never tell the difference.

We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus,
the greatest Democrat of them all. He left not knowing where
he was going, and when he got there he did not know where
he was. He returned not knowing where he had been, and did
it all on someone else's money.

Thank you,
Hillary R. Clinton Monument Committee

P.S. The Committee has raised $ 0.16 so far.

Monday, April 6, 2015

An Alien Story

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a

gas station that was closed for the night. They

approached one of the gas pumps and the younger

alien addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling.

We come in peace. Take us to your leader."

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.

The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.

The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated

his greeting. Again, there was no response.

Angry at the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his

ray gun and said gruffly, "Greetings, Earthling.

We come in peace. Take us to your leader or I will fire!"

The older alien again warned his comrade saying,

'You probably don't want to do that!

I really think that will make him mad.'

'Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed

his weapon and opened fire. There was a huge explosion.

A massive fireball roared towards him and blew the

younger alien off his feet and threw him in a burnt,

smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed. When he finally regained

consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened

his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older,

wiser alien who was standing over him

shaking his big, green head.

'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young,

fried alien. 'He almost killed me!

How did you know he was so dangerous?'

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler

on his crispy friend and replied, 'If there's one thing

I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you never

mess with a guy who can loop his penis over his

shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear.'

Thanks Hal

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Here's Your Easter E-Card My Friends

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit
jump out across the middle of the road.
He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the
rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal
lover, pulls over and gets out to see
what has become of the rabbit.
Much to his dismay, the rabbit is
the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD

The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway
sees a man crying on the side of the road
and pulls over.

She steps out of the car and asks the man
what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," ! he explains,
"I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car
and KILLED HIM."

The blonde says,"Don't worry."
She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.
She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny,
bends down, and sprays the contents onto him.

The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the
two of them and hops off down the road.
Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves
again, he hops down the road another 10 feet,
turns and waves, hops another ten feet,
turns and waves, and repeats this again and again
and again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished.
He runs over to the woman and demands,
"What is in that can?
What did you spray on the Easter Bunny ?"

The woman turns the can around
so that the man can read the label.
It says..

It says,
"Hair Spray
Restores life to dead hair,
and adds permanent wave."

H a p p y E a s t e r ! !

Thanks Dan