Funderwhoopee Friday ~ Thar Be Aliens This AM

 

Man 1013’d After Claiming Aliens Abducted Him for “Breeding Program,” Forced to Drink Beer Until He Lost Control

BLACKSHEAR, GA — Deputies say 47‑year‑old Harry Cox was taken into custody Wednesday night and transported on a 1013 mental health hold after reporting that extraterrestrials had abducted him, enrolled him in a “galactic breeding initiative,” and then allegedly forced him to drink “thirty‑seven beers in a row” until he, in his own words, “shit like a busted fire hydrant.”

Witnesses at the Circle K on Highway 84 reported seeing Cox stumble inside wearing only a pair of Dollar General flip‑flops and a reflective vest he claimed was “alien mating armor.” He then loudly informed customers that he had “just returned from Planet 7‑Eleven,” where he had been “selected for superior genetics.”

Deputies arrived minutes later.

According to the incident report, Cox insisted the aliens were “shaped like upside‑down possums,” communicated telepathically through the Bluetooth speaker in his truck, and forced him to shotgun beers “to test his digestive fortitude for interstellar reproduction.”

When asked why the aliens would need him specifically, Cox replied, “Because I’m the only one in Pierce County with the proper hip flexibility.”

Deputies determined he was in need of evaluation and transported him on a 1013, during which Cox reportedly attempted to negotiate diplomatic immunity and demanded the sheriff’s office “protect him from future breeding drafts.”

Hospital staff say Cox is resting comfortably and has requested “no more Bud Light for at least a week.”

Thanks Russell