Friday, April 5, 2013

At the San Francisco Marriage License Counter:


"Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license."


"Tim and Jim Jones."

"Jones?? Are you related?? I see a resemblance."

"Yes, we're brothers."

"Brothers?? You can't get married."

"Why not?? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?"

"Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings. That's incest!"

"Incest?" No, we are not gay."

"Not gay?? Then why do you want to get married?"

"For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other. Besides, we don't have any other prospects."

"But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman."

"Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have. But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry Jim."

"And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay?"

"All right, all right. I'll give you your license. Next."

"Hi. We are here to get married."


"John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson."

"Who wants to marry whom?"

"We all want to marry each other."

"But there are four of you!"

"That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship."

"But we've only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples."

"So you're discriminating against bisexuals!"

"No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that
it's just for couples."

"Since when are you standing on tradition?"

"Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere."

"Who says?? There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples. The more the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage license!"

"All right, all right. Next."

"Hello, I'd like a marriage license."

"In what names?"

"David Deets."

"And the other man?"

"That's all. I want to marry myself."

"Marry yourself?? What do you mean?"

"Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return."

"That does it!? I quit!!? You people are making a mockery of marriage!!"


Opus #6 said...

Gay "marriage" is a slippery slope.

Sandee said...

Bwahahahahahahaha. Next it will be they want to marry their dog, or cat or whatever. Of course it's California. Of course.

Have a fabulous day and weekend. ☺

Adrienne said...

If the Supremes overturn DOMA (I think they will) this is exactly what will happen. Exactly!

Dick said...

A guy and his horse walk up to the marriage license desk.......

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Opie, so is homosexual marriage.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Sandee, Fido is looking pretty good about now.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Adrienne, I guess we'll have to start calling traditional marriage Anti-American Unions.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Dick ... we're all waiting. Don't just tease us.

LL said...

I suspect that's what Obama has in mind. He'll divorce Michelle and marry himself because nobody is cooler than he least to him.

That would mean that Michelle would need to find employment. I think that she could find a home in the circus.

trailbee said...

Excuse me, LL, but even circus goers have standards.

Nate said...

At least, when Pandora's Box was opened, there was a diamond called Hope at the bottom. THIS Pandora's Box has a black, swirling, sucking hole called Despair and Devastation in it.

edutcher said...

Jeremy Irons is getting drilled for saying the same thing without a punchline.

Keep your AR-15 handy, dude.

cube said...

I have nothing against gay people, but I fear that when the Supremes decide in favor of gay marriage, it will open a can of legal worms that won't help our country.

Ron Russell said...

From what I've seen most gays frown on tradition. So, in my opinion, getting married is just away of hitting back against tradition. They could care less about a marriage contract. And yes, the SCOTUS will open a can of worms if it gives its blessings.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

LL, you Sir have the perfect mind ... if you don't mind the . . .

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Trailbee, You tell him!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Nate, and then some.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Edutcher, and the ammo just as close.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Cube, you're looking at this all wrong. You're looking at it through their eyes. It's homosexual marriage.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Ron, I have to tell you too. Gay means happy until the queers and PC crowd got a hold of the word. THEY ARE HOMOSEXUALS !!! I feel better now. Thanks Ron, I needed that.

Race Bannon said...

What one consenting adult does in the privacy of his or her government office is his or her or the governments own business...

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Race, they'd be covered and ready with our tax money.

Scott Way said...

Nate said it for me...Hollywodd loves this stuff,,,
"Could a father not marry his son?" Jeremy Irons asked HuffPost Live host Josh Zepps. Irons argued that "it's not incest between men" because "incest is there to protect us from inbreeding, but men don't breed," and wondered whether same-sex marriage might allow fathers to pass on their estates to their sons without being taxed...Sic...

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Scotty ... my head hurts.