Thursday, July 24, 2014

When Comedy Was Funny!


These great questions and answers are from 
the days when Hollywood Squares'
game show responses were spontaneous, 
not scripted, as they are now!

Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
 
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
 
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up 
almost 15 minutes of the show!)
 
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Q. Do female frogs croak?
 
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

 
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Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be
 
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

 
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Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...
 
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

 
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Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
 
A.. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
 

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Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
 
A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.

 
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Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
 
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..

 
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Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
 
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

 
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Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
 
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

 
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Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
 
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

 
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Q.. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
 
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
 

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Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
 
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

 
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Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
 
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

 
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Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
 
A.. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

 
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Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
 
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
 

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Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
 
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..

 
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Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
 
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

 
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Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
 
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

 
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Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
 
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

 
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Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
 
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

 
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Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
 
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

 
Thanks Dan!

24 comments:

Race Bannon said...

Paul Lynde - Just the name starts me laughing.

LL said...

I laughed clear through the list - very funny stuff.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Race, a funny queen huh.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

LL, good stuff!

sig94 said...

Oh wow, that show was too much. Paul Lynde was a stitch. It's too bad that kind of comedy is gone.

Sandee said...

Bwahahahahahahahahaha. I loved this show.

Have a fabulous day. ☺

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Sig94, The simpler days.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Sandee, it was a regular for so many for so long.

Curmudgeon said...

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?

A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

We all knew Lynde was gay but we didn't care. He kept his "preferences" to himself. If he had any sort of agenda it was private.

Thank you so much for a delightful trip down memory lane.

Paul Lynde, George Gobel, Charlie Weaver and Rose Marie were national treasures.

cube said...

I laughed out loud quite a few times. Thank you for that.

edutcher said...

They were fed a lot of those lines, but, yeah, they were funny.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Curmudgeon, that was fun, wasn't it.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Cube, better times.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Edutcher, shhhhh

Nate said...

Did anybody else 'hear' those exchanged in their heads ... in the voices of the people who were saying them?

Tears of laughter, I tell ya...

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Nate, I'm sure everyone did as you and I did.

Ron Russell said...

And just to think, today's generation believes those people were real squares. It takes years to figure out WTF is happening---I haven't master the art yet!

Z said...

Boy, you won't believe the post I have for Friday ... great minds!
These stuff was SO SO FUNNY.
I miss that ..

Z said...

Sorry...came back to say I'm probably posting the similar post to yours on SATURDAY instead.
have a great weekend! Z

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Ron, and we never will.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Z, There have a couple times this has been borrowed already ... enjoy.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Z, Friday or Saturday ... what's a day among friends.

Scott Way said...

I resemble those remarks! Comedy in the day...and you didn't even have to bash anyone over the head with it.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Scotty, When "F" meant funny.