Monday, February 6, 2012

A New Fashion Trend ?

Boob Scarves ?
**********
A new sign in the Bank  reads:

'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through cash machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'


*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:

1... Drive up to the cash machine.

2. LOWER your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Raise window.

7. Drive off.

************************* ******
FEMALE PROCEDURE:

(Unfortunately, most of this  is the Truth.!!)

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Put hand brake on, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on mobile phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN .

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.

17. Write debit amount in cheque book and place receipt in back of it.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on mobile phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Hand Brake.

Thank You Dan and Nominedeus (H/T)

24 comments:

Christopher - Conservative Perspective said...

Wow Odie, I did not know you are a male chauvinist?

Just joking !

This just might "tic-off" some of your readers of the Fairer Sex (if no humor bone that is)?

p.s., My wife still loves you! :)

Randy-g said...

Only two to three miles with brake on? Not likely...Heh.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Christopher, I'm counting on the love. If you remember, not to long ago, I made fun of the guys.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Randy ... duck!

USA_Admiral said...

At least they are perky.

Now I understand the ATM line.

Always On Watch said...

Don't let Mr. AOW see those scarves!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Admiral, there's also perky in line.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

AOW, I almost sent them to him, but then I got selfish.

Adrienne said...

You won't get flack from this member of the "fairer sex." Most women drive me nuts since I am the master of organization.

Every step of every procedure in my life is met with the question, "Is there a better, faster, or more efficient way to do this.

Even my husband defers to me when we pull up for gas at Costco. Every step is thought out for maximum speed.

I avoid getting behind women in the grocery store line, at the bank, Post Office, or gas line.

nominedeus said...

Those scarves remind me of the old naval song (actually written about mens spherical bits)
Do your boobs hang low
Can you swing em to and fro
can you tie em in a knot
can you tie em in a bow
do you get a funny feeling
when you bounce em off the ceiling
oh you'll never be a sailor if your boobs hang low!
They could certainly do all of those things with them...only in the orient eh!

Opus #6 said...

I beg your pardon!

Brooke said...

Oh, good grief.

I am a girl-type person, can proficiently drive a standard, which includes knowing how to operate the hand brake... And I carry a man's wallet, as a purse is a frickin' pain in the ass.

Mr. AOW said...

That gal on the left needs to take them up a notch.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Nomi, That song reached number 1 here at Woodsterman in 2009.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Adrienne, I bow to your expertise!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Opie, beg all you want.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Brooke, I don't endorse this, I only HAPPILY pass it on.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Mr. Gravity.

Bushwack said...

Good lord aint that the truth!

BTW I was given an award today. Part of the award was to name my top 5 blogs you were fer sure on the list. Visit my site for details on the award and to keep it going.

Teresa said...

I have met some really stupid women in my day so this is quite plausible. I usually end up having to open the door when leaving any place that has a dang ticket booth cause I'm so short.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Bushwack, I'll do that.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Teresa, Height challenged huh. The gate where I store my motorhome has an electronic keypad that sometimes gives me fits to.

Moogie P said...

What Adrienne said, with a couple of embellishments. First, I live in southeast Louisiana, so I'm not familiar with the parking brake. Next, you need to add a point where the husband fusses at his wife because she took his ATM card and made a withdrawal without letting him know so he could record it -- until she pulls the ATM card and receipt out of the pockets of the pants he wore day before yesterday.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Moogie P, 6 months a year, where I live, we don't use the parking brake because they're known to freeze. It's tough to get going the next morning.

I solved the checkbook problem 37 years ago. Our first argument was how I paid bills. I handed her the checkbook and asked not to screw up my credit rating, and things have been just fine ever since.

Welcome to the silly side of the Blogoshere.