Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Woodsterman's Talk About Life



A couple of us local retired types from the Senior Center were asked to address a high school gathering put on by the PTA. As luck would have it, I was the only speaker to show up, so I had the stage to myself.
 

I talked about staying in school, getting good grades and all that usual bullshit; and since I had plenty of time because those other guys didn't show, I threw it open for questions. The last one asked was, "Can you give us a couple of your life's philosophical beliefs?”
 

I said, “That’s an easy one. Looking back over my 7+ decades, I believe I've spent close to 90% of my earnings on booze and whores. The rest I just wasted.”

I was escorted out without getting to finish my last two rules to live by:

                          1)  If it flies, floats, or fucks, it’s cheaper to rent it

                          2)  If it’s got tits or tires, you’re gonna have problems with it.

I hope they invite me back next year so I can finish.

Kids need to know this stuff!!


Thanks T-Bone

8 comments:

  1. I think you forgot never loan anybody anything.

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  2. It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s stuff, that’s the time to do it.

    Some days you’re the pigeon; some days you’re the statue.

    When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by asking yourself the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

    Always tell your friends and family you love them.

    Airports see more sincere kisses than wedding halls and hospital walls have heard more prayers than church walls.

    Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours Odie.


    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm not thinking you're going to get invited back next year. Just a feeling.

    Have a fabulous day, Odie. ☺

    ReplyDelete
  4. edutcher, one has to learn these others first.

    ReplyDelete
  5. You are so eloquently truthful!

    Wishing you and yours a Blessed & Happy Thanksgiving.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Brig, it was really 8.5% wasted. I rounded the number off a bit.

    ReplyDelete

Put it here ... I can't wait to read it. I have the Captcha turned OFF but blogger insists it be there. You should be able to bypass it.