Women Drivers

This morning on the Highway, I looked over to my left 

and there was a woman in a brand new Range Rover 

doing 85 mph with her face up next to her 

rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away for a couple seconds...to continue shaving

and when I looked back, she was halfway over in my lane,

still working on that makeup.

As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much;
I had to put on my seat belt and I dropped
My electric shaver,  Which knocked
The bacon sandwich out of my other hand.

In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car
using my knees against the steering wheel, It knocked

My Cell Phone away from my ear which fell 

into my coffee which was between my legs,
splashed, and burned Big Odie and the Twins.

Ruined the damn phone, soaked my trousers,
and disconnected an important call.

Damn women drivers!