Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Advice From A Retired Husband

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them.  Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

     My name is Odie.  Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife.  When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Mrs. Odie to get a full-time job, along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.  Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. 

   I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner.  I don't yell at her.  Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table.  I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club, so eating out is not reasonable.  I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.  She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating.  But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.

     I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves.  I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

     Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think.  For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour.  But, Boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement.  I tell her to stretch it out over two, or even three days.  That way, she won't have to rush so much.  I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

     When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods.  She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the yard.  I try not to make a scene.  I'm a fair man.  I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while.  And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too.

     I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support my wife.  I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy.  Many men will find it difficult.  Some will find it impossible!  Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older.

     However, Guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile.  After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

EDITOR'S NOTE :  Odie, died suddenly on July 31 of a perforated rectum.  The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby.  Mrs. Odie was arrested and charged with murder.

     The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Odie, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.


  1. Bwahahahahahahahaha. What a loser Odie was. Just saying.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

  2. Perhaps you didn;t know tht as women get older they also become a little short tempered, but their ability to shove a golf club where the sun never shines never changes.

    Fun post!

  3. You are all heart, sir.

    I hope Mrs Odie realizes what a gem she has in you.

  4. Adrienne, I always love to put myself in the middle of these.

  5. Sandee, so you're trying to tell me I shouldn't have put myself in the middle of this one?

  6. joeh, I thought I played that just about right.

  7. edutcher, Mrs. Odie is a lucky woman indeed.

  8. Thought I was retired when I quit work, but wife still working! Guess she didn't like me fishing everyday, so forced to take a part time job just to keep peace in the family!

  9. Ron, I was retired about two months once.

  10. See, this is exactly why I would never marry an American woman! I had to go all the way to Kentucky to find a woman who didn't know how to handle a golf club. If she's going to kill me, she's going to have to use a farm implement and do it the proper way. Very funny story, Odie! Glad it's not quite true!

  11. I also appreciated Hal's new support, and am happy to report that he only bowls on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. Makes my life so much easier. :)

  12. Grunt, yeah it's a little stretch there. Watch out for those old family Hawkins Rifles though.

  13. trailbee, a bowling ball could be quite uncomfortable ... do you golf?


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