Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Wednesday Odds and Ends

Above is a sneak peek into a liberal think tank.

Monday, April 28, 2014


A woman  was flying  from Seattle to San  Francisco.  
Unexpectedly, the plane was  diverted  to Sacramento 
along  the way.

The  flight attendant explained that there would be a  delay,

and if the passengers wanted to get off  the aircraft the plane 
would re-board in 50  minutes..

Everybody  got off the plane except one lady who was  blind.

A man had  noticed her as he walked by and could tell the  

lady was blind because her guide dog lay quietly  underneath 
the seats in front of her throughout  the entire  flight.

He could  also tell she had flown this very flight before  

because the pilot approached her,  and
Calling her by  name, said, "Kathy, we are  in Sacramento for 

almost an  hour. 
Would you like to get off and stretch your  legs?"

The  blind lady said, "No  thanks, but maybe Buddy would like  

to stretch his  legs."

Picture  this:

All the  people in the gate area came to a complete  
standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot  
walk off the plane with a guide dog for the  blind!  
Even worse, the pilot was wearing  sunglasses !

People scattered.  They  not only tried to change planes, 

but they were  trying to change airlines!  

True  story.....
Have a great  day and  remember....

Thanks Dan!

Sunday, April 27, 2014



 ....It takes less than 15 seconds....

If you are over 45 yrs. old, you SHOULD take this Alzheimer's Test.

See how fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks?

1. _  _NDOM

2. F_  _K

3.  P_N _S

4.  PU_S_

5.  S_X

6.  BOO_S



2.  FORK



5.  SIX


You got all 6 wrong....didn't you?

  You do NOT have Alzheimer's.

   You are a Pervert.

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Texas Sex ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

Two Texans were out on the range talking about 
their favorite sex positions.
One said, " think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."
"I don't think I have  ever heard of that one," said the 
other cowboy.  "What is it  ?"
"Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours 
and you mount her from behind.
Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts 
in your hands and
whisper in her ear, 'These feel just like your sister's.' "    

Then you try and stay on for 8  seconds.

Thank You Trailbee

Other Rule 5 ers That Like To Be Called Tex:

Friday, April 25, 2014

Power Outage

We had a power outage at my place this morning 
and my PC, laptop, TV, DVD, iPad and my new 
surround sound music system were all shut down!!
Then, I discovered that my iPhone battery was flat 
and to top it off, it was raining outside, 
so I couldn't go play golf.

I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I 
remembered that this also needs power, so I talked 
with my wife for a couple hours.

She seems like a nice person...


Happy Caturday ~OR~ Feline Friday!

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Gun Enthusiasts & Ammo ~ Woodsterman Style

You may have heard on the news about a Southern California 
man who was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation 
when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 
100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home. The 
house also featured a secret escape tunnel.

By Southern California standards, someone owning 
100,000 rounds is considered "mentally unstable."

In Michigan, he'd be called 
"The last white guy still living in Detroit."

In Arizona, he'd be called "an avid gun collector."

In Arkansas, he'd be called "a novice gun collector."

In Utah, he'd be called "moderately well prepared," 
but they'd probably reserve judgment until they made 
sure that he had a corresponding quantity of stored food."

In Kansas, he'd be "A guy down the road you 
would want to have for a friend."

In Montana, he'd be called "The neighborhood 'Go-To' guy."

In Alabama, he'd be called "a likely gubernatorial candidate."

In Georgia, he'd be called "an eligible bachelor."

In North Carolina, Virginia, Mississippi, Tennessee, 
Kentucky and South Carolina he would be called 
"a deer hunting buddy."
 And in Texas he'd just be 
"Bubba, who's a little short on ammo."

Thanks Dan!

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

NewsBusted 4/22/14 ~

The Bacon Tree

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the 
United States , wandering aimlessly and starving.

They are about to just lie down and wait for death, 

when all of a sudden Luis says:

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell.  Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Is, Luis, eet sure smell like bacon."

With renewed hope, they struggle up the next sand dune, 

& there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, 

double smoked bacon, every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved!  Ees a bacon tree!"

"Luis, maybe ees a meerage?

We ees in the desert don't forget."

"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage 

that smell like bacon?

Ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree!"

With that, Luis staggers towards the tree.

He gets to within 5 yards, Pepe crawling close behind, 

when suddenly a machine gun opens up, 
and Luis drops like a wet sock.

Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath:

"Pepe, go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

"Luis, Luis miamigo, what ees it?"

"Pepe ees not a bacon tree.  Ees...






Ees... a ham bush."

SO SORRY I know there is something wrong with 

me for posting this.

Just couldn't help it!

Little voices made me do it!

And I bet you tried to do the accent didn't you?

I know you did!

You're grinning aren't you? 

Thanks Trailbee!

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

A Bridge In Texas

 One day, a very gentle Texas lady was driving across a high bridge in Austin .
      As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixin’ to jump.  ("fixin" in Texas means: has the means or abilities to take action)
      She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, "Please don't jump! Think of your dear mother and father."
      He replied, "My mom and dad are both dead; I'm going to jump."
      She said, "Well, think of your sweet wife and precious children."
      He replied, "I'm not married, and I don't have any kids."
      She said, "Well, then you just remember the Alamo ."
      He replied, ''What's the Alamo ?''
      She replied, ‘’Well, bless your heart!  -- You just go ahead and jump you little Yankee Democrat Bastard... You’re holding up traffic!”

Thank You Trailbee ! 

Monday, April 21, 2014

Show Em Your Badge Sonny ....

A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "okay, but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, "look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!" Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this badge?! This badge means I can go wherever I want... On any land! No questions asked, no answers given! Do you understand old man?!"

The rancher kindly nodded, apologized, and went about his chores. Moments later the rancher heard loud screams, he looked up and saw the DEA agent running for his life, being chased by the ranchers big Santa Gertrudis Bull... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it was likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The old rancher threw down his tools, ran as fast as he could to the fence, and yelled at the top of his lungs......


"When the people find that they can vote themselves money, 
that will herald the end of the republic" -  Ben Franklin 

Thank You Trailbee

Sunday, April 20, 2014

A Revisit ~ Liberal Logic 101 ~ C

Thanks David

I would like to add Happy Easter to my dear Friends.

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Blonder Than ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

 Q: Why do blondes take the pill? 
A: So they know what day of the week it is. 
 A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...." 
The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?" 
 Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? 
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads. 
 Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? 
A: They're both empty from the neck up. 
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? 
A: Because she got an "F" in sex. 


Other More Blonder Rule 5 ers:

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Redneck Lent

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up 
his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak.

But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic.  
And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from 
eating meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks 
was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful 
that they finally talked to their priest.

The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested 
that he become a Catholic.

After several classes and much study, Bubba attended 
Mass ... And as the Priest sprinkled holy water over
 him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, 
and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic.

Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday 
night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of 
grilled venison filled the neighborhood.

The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, 
as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and 
prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy
 water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling 
meat and chanted:  
"You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, 
but now you is a catfish."

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

NewsBusted 4/15/14 ~

Three Wishes

A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute Mexican refugee outside an Arizona immigration office.

"Good man," the fairy said, "I've been sent here by 
President Obama and told to grant you three wishes 
since you just arrived in the United States with 
your wife and eight children."

The man told the fairy, "Well, where I come from 
we don't have good teeth, so I want new teeth, 
maybe a lot of gold in them."

The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin 
and -- PING!-- he had a brand new shining set of 
gold teeth in his mouth! "What else?" 
asked the fairy, "Two more to go."

The refugee claimant now got bolder. "I need a big 
house with a three-car garage in Annapolis on the 
water with eight bedrooms for my family and the 
rest of my relatives who still live in my country. 
I want to bring them all over here" and PING! 
In the distance there could be seen a beautiful 
mansion with a three car garage, a long driveway, 
and a walkout patio with a BBQ in an upscale 
neighborhood over-looking the bay. "One more wish," 
said the fairy, waving her wand.

"Yes, one more wish. I want to be like an American 
with American clothes instead of these torn clothes, 
and a baseball cap instead of this sombrero. And I 
want to have white skin like Americans" ---and --- PING!

The man was transformed - wearing worn-out jeans, 
a Baltimore Orioles T-shirt, and a baseball cap. 
He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had 
disappeared from the horizon.

"What happened to my new teeth?" He wailed. 
"Where is my new house?"

The fairy said: "Tough shit, Amigo, now that you 
are a white American, you have to fend for yourself."

 Thanks Trailbee!

Monday, April 14, 2014

FIRED ... First Day On The Job!

All he had to do was don a Winnie the Pooh 
costume and be friendly to kids.

How did he get fired first day on the job?

He put the pants on backwards.

Thanks Dan (your best yet!)

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Message From The Mrs.

Got home real late last night after a full day of golfing
and hanging out with the guys, and my wife left a message
in the kitchen.

I think she wants me to eat more fruit,
bless her heart!

Thanks Suzie !

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Blonderer ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

A young blonde secretary was describing her blind 
date to a friend. "After dinner," she said, "he wanted 
to come back to my apartment, but I refused. I told 
him my mother would worry if I did anything like 
that." "That was smart," her friend said, approvingly. 
"Then what happened?" "He kept insisting, and I kept 
refusing," the secretary said. "You didn't weaken your 
resolve, did you?" asked the friend. "Not one bit. 
In the end, we went to his apartment. 

I figured, let his mother worry." 


Other Blonderer Rule 5 ers: