Father of the Year ~OR~ Cuteness Woodsterman Style

Silly Wednesday ~ Woodsterman Style

 How do you convert gallons to watts?

 Liberal Eff!

This kind of crap can only happen in America ... 
and the MSM not condemn it.

 "You little shit, where are you?"

Never give up the chance to make fun of a Mooselimb.

Look for Boehner and McConnell while you're in there.

Growing Older ~ Woodsterman Style

As I was lying around the pool, pondering the problems of the world,
    
    
    I realized that at my age I don't really give a rat's ---  anymore.
    
         .. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
    
         .. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.
    
         .. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while
    
         .. A tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.
         
    And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.
              
    Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:
         
    1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
         
    2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
         
    3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
         
    4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
         
    5. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.
    
    6. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
         
    7. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
    
    8. Some days, you're the top dog; some days you're the lamp post.
         
    9. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
    
   10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
    
    11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
         
    12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
         
    13. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.
         
    14. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
         
    15. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants  to play chess.
         
    16.  Its not hard to meet expenses . . . They're everywhere.
         
    17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
         
    18. These days, I  spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .
          I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".
         
    19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
         
    20. HAVE I POSTED THIS BEFORE............??????

Thanks Hal

Crow Kills

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found

over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there

was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird

Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to

everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT

Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

 

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying

colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By

analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the

crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were

killed by an impact with a car.

 

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if

there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck

kills versus car kills.

 

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause:

when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a

nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that

while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one

could shout "Truck."

 

Thanks Hal (Awww Monday Hal Style)

Sunday Breaking News

Just in...... Have you heard it?         

Playboy reportedly offered Sarah Palin $4 Million to

pose nude in their next issue...        

Michelle Obama was offered 50 bucks from 

National Geographic.....        

And in other news.....        

We all remember the KFC "Hillary Meal"--- 

two small breasts and two big thighs.            

Now, KFC has announced an addition to their chicken

dinners. It's called the "Obama Cabinet Bucket". 

It consists of nothing but left wings and assholes.

Thanks David

A California Love Story ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend.
After having great sex ... She spent the next
hour just rubbing his testicles ...
Something she just loved to do.
As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her,
"Why do you love doing that?"
"Because" ... She Replied ....
"I Really Miss Mine"

Other Testicle Rubbing Rule 5 ers:

 

Proof Positive

Randy's Roundtable

Reaganite Republican

Guns and Bikinis

Maggie's Notebook 

RULE 5 SITES
TOTUS

In a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World
Adrienne's Corner
The Feral Irishman
Knuckledraggin My Life Away
Diogenes' Middle Finger
Ninety Miles From Tyranny
Doubletroubletwo  
Angrymikes hood 
MissK's World...
American Power
GOODSTUFF'S CYBER WORLD
A Nod To The Gods   
Act Well Your Part
Subject to Change
Your Crazy Uncle Bubba
Political Clown Parade
The Last Tradition

Who's House Is That?

Is Hillary OK After Her Concussion?

Thanks David

Woman's Issues Classes

Men Teaching Classes for Women at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By November 29, 2015
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM .

Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs. beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a WalMart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum ..
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.



             From Guys in the Witness Protection Program

Thank You Brighid

Funner Tuesday