Thursday, May 30, 2013

Beware of Older Men . . .


A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.   She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.
 On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper.  Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am.

'About 32,' is the reply.'

'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's
and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.'  The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'

Now she's feeling really good about herself.  She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.

The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.'

Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!'

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.

He replies, 'Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going.  Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was.  It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra..  Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'


They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her.  She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple.  He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay.....How old am I?'

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, 'Madam, you are 50.'

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you tell?'

'I was behind you at McDonalds'

28 comments:

Randy-g said...

That was the best! You still hanging at Mickey D's Odie?

Opus #6 said...

Odie, was she wearing a pink tank top? And how did you get a picture at that moment?

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Randy, yup, I'm waiting for the next face lift.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Opie, it is years of being a dirty old man ... and loving it! yup that's her and she took it.

Supi said...

Of course, Odie is hanging out at McD's. He is forced to get the $1 menu with Senior Discount because the extra money the gov is taking out of ss checks to pay for Ut Oh care.

Dick said...

Oh yes! Great minds think alike.

Sandee said...

You just can't beat the wisdom of old men. Bwahahahahahahaha.

Of course she was a blonde!

Have a terrific day. ☺

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Supi, it's OK, I like the babes there.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Dick, my mind had nothing to do with it.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Sandee, I don't care if she was bald ... hubba hubba!

Diogenes Sarcastica™ said...

Why do I get the feeling this is a true story and a personal experience here, Odie? ;)

doubletroubletwo said...

LMAO! :)

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

DS, you know me all too well.

edutcher said...

And Mrs Odie asked how he got the black eye.

wbhickok said...

ROFLOL...
that was the best...
Good one, Odie...

lolol...

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

2T2, that's what we do here.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Edutcher, that's how I met Mrs. Odie.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

ROFLOL, that's why I keep doing this. Keep on laughing and think of me the next time you see a Babe with a face lift.

Ron Russell said...

Dirty old coot!!

Old NFO said...

ROTF! Good one Sir!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Ron, that leaves me only one thing to say ... Thank you!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Old NFO, thank you sir. I give it everything I have, and MacDonolds just makes it better.

Teresa said...

That certainly was dirty but very funny.

The Conservative Lady said...

Good one, Odie.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Teresa, you forgot the best part. It was about me an a beautiful woman.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Thank you Lady.

Always On Watch said...

Odie,
Do you frequent McD's here in the D.C. area? If so, I'd better be careful. I haven't had a face lift, but I do occasionally get carded. Hehehe.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

AOW! I will now.