Friday, March 12, 2010


Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce.  I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course.  Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms.  We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up this country by landmass each taking a portion.  That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement.  After that, it should be relatively easy!  Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don't like re-distributive taxes so you can keep them.  You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.  Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.  You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell.  (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).
We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street.  You can have your beloved  homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens.  We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.  We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood . 
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.  You can have the peaceniks and war protesters.
 When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.  You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain.  You can also have the U.N, but we will no longer be paying the bill. 
We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars.  You can take every Volkswagen you can find. 
We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem.  I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World. 
We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot.  Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag. 
Would you agree to this?  If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete.  In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you  which one of us will need whose help in 15 years. 
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American 
P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.


CambridgeLady said...

From where I'm sitting it looks like the USA is headed towards divorce. The two sides seem to have little in common ...... However, when you are an ex-pat living overseas, as we were in the USA, you do observe that despite the political differences there is far more that unites Americans culturally than divides. I hope a reconciliation can be forged.

Have a good weekend Odie :o)

Amusing Bunni said...

I love this Odie!
I would glady divorce myself from all these commie creeps. They should be sent to a island and left to sink.
I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
I am still sorting stuff, there are many rooms and lots of places. I feel like I"m shopping in my house, which is always fun.

I have nothing but time now, and I"m in a cheerful mood. Cheers to you and the family, and say i to Pen.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Lady, The divorce will take the form, for now, of elections in November.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Bunni, there is nothing like shedding what ails you to make you trouble free and relaxed. Enjoy it !

Opus #6 said...

Odie, can't we send our libs back to Europe where they belong? They will be much more comfortable w the political system there. Then leave the new frontier for us rugged individuals who don't prefer a nanny state to watch over us at every turn.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Opie, if we do that .... who's going to take care of me ?

CambridgeLady said...

There are already heaps of Americans in the UK Opus ..... Not sure if they are the ones who fled after Bush was re-elected or are now those escaping from Obama ....... :S You can't all keep coming back .... we're running out of space!! ;)

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

I'll stick my nose in Lady. Obama is trying to model the US in Europe's socialist pattern. We don't want the government owning and controlling private industry and health care. We have seen European countries doing that, and we don't want ANY part of it. That's not the way the U.S. works.

CambridgeLady said...

You stick your nose right in Odie - it is your blog after all :o)

I totally agree that you shouldn't have socialism or social democracy or whatever if you don't want it. You're a democracy and if enough people who voted Obama in are now regretting that then the tide will turn your way, I'm sure.

This post is very apt because if things don't go the conservatives' way then what? Would you seriously want to split the USA along political lines? You are all Americans - your shared culture and history is too strong to tear you apart surely?

My jokey reply to Opus was simply to point out that Europe is not available for liberal Americans to be sent to or to retreat to ..... I'm afraid you're going to have to sort out your squabbles on home soil somehow.

Interesting times ..... I have sympathies for both sides here - I hope there is room for compromise!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Lady, that was our attempt at sarcasm. The people that are not happy with this country feel they have to change it for the rest of us. That's why we "backhandedly" say they can start their own country ... leave ours alone.

banned said...

Opus#6, you can keep your liberals, we have enough of our own to deal with thanks.

"Trickle up poverty" Love that phrase.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Poverty has to trickle UP, Banned.