Wednesday, October 31, 2018

Tuesday, October 30, 2018

Taxi


A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a 
taxi in New York City and laid on the back seat.



The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his 
eyes wide and stared at the woman.

He made no attempt to start the cab. The woman 
glared back at him and said,"What's wrong with you,
honey?  Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?

"The old Jewish driver answered, "Let me tell you sumsing,
lady.  I vasn't staring at you like you tink; dat vould not
be proper.” 

The woman giggled and responded, "Well, if you're not
staring at my boobs or my butt, sweetie, what are you
doing then?"



He paused a moment, then told her, "Vell...... M'am, I am 
looking and I am looking, and I am tinking to myself, 
vair in da hell is dis lady keeping de money to pay for dis ride?"

Now, that's a businessman

Thanks Jim

Sunday, October 28, 2018

Friday, October 26, 2018

Thursday, October 25, 2018

Wednesday, October 24, 2018

Tuesday, October 23, 2018

Sunday, October 21, 2018

Pondering Problems Or Old Age Got Me Here


Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized
that, at my age, I don't really give a rat's ass anymore.

If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

A whale swims all day, only eats fish, and drinks water, but is still fat.

A rabbit runs, and hops, and only lives15 years, while a tortoise
doesn't run, and does  mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. And they tell us  to exercise ?      I don't think so !


Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:

  1.  I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

  2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

  3  Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

  4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

  5. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?

  6. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.

  7. Some days, you're the top dog, some days you're the hydrant.

  8. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.

  9. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

  10. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

  11. It is hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

  12. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.

  13. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

  14. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

  15. It is not hard to meet expenses . . . They're everywhere.

  16. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth..

  17. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter
       . . . I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm  "here after".

  18. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.


  20. Have I posted this before...or did I get it from you?

Thanks Hal

Friday, October 19, 2018

Husbands and Wives


At breakfast, the man asked his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?"

She replied, "I'd take half, and then leave you."

"Great," he said. "I won $12 yesterday.  Here's $6.  Stay in touch."

******************



Thanks David

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