Awww Monday ~ Woodsterman Style XCIX

Dog With Chinese Name

Whether  you own a dog or not, you must appreciate the efforts of this
owner to sell her dog. Look at the picture and then read the sales  
pitch below.

Dog For Sale .
Free to good home.
Excellent guard dog.
Owner cannot afford to feed Jethro anymore, as there are no more drug
pushers,  thieves, murderers, or molesters left in the neighborhood
for him to eat.  Most of them knew Jethro only by his Chinese street name,
 
Ho Lee Schitt.

Thanks Hal 

 

Gotta A Light?

Thanks Russell

Traffic Stop ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

Thanks Hal

Other Speed Bumpin' Rule 5 ers:

The Other McCain 
Proof Positive

Randy's Roundtable

Guns and Bikinis

Maggie's Notebook 

RULE 5 SITES
TOTUS

In a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World
Adrienne's Corner
The Feral Irishman
Knuckledraggin My Life Away
Diogenes' Middle Finger
Ninety Miles From Tyranny
Doubletroubletwo  
Angrymikes hood 
MissK's World...
American Power
GOODSTUFF'S CYBER WORLD
A Nod To The Gods   
Your Crazy Uncle Bubba
Political Clown Parade
 The Last Tradition
The Right Way

Oh Sh!t !

Thursday Fun and Run . . .

Thanks Facebookers

Wednesday Funestday Or Lib Crap

Thanks Facebook Buds

Chicago Math Test

Finally.  A practical  math test.   Chicago schools are finally starting to
teach practical math that kids can use in real-world situations . . .

1. Lajames has an AK-47 with a 200-round clip. He usually misses 6 of every
10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many mofos can
Lajames ice on a drive-by before he gotta reload?

2. Willie has 2 ounces of cocaine. If  he sell an 8 ball to Antonio for $320
and 2 grams to Juan  for $85 per gram, what be the street value of the rest
of  his shit?

3. Dwayne pimps 3 ho's. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per
day must each ho turn to support Dwayne's $800 per day crack habit ?

4. Raul wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought  for $40,000 to make 20%
profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to get the 20% upside?

5. Ray-Ray gets $2000 for a stolen BMW, $1500 for stealing a Corvette, and
$1000 for a 4 x 4. If he steal 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how many more
Corvettes must he steal to make the 10k for his brother's bail?

6. Pedro get 6 years for murder. He also get $10,000 for the hit. If his
common-law wife spend  $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will
be left  when he get out?

7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average
letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with three 8 oz.
cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?

8. Tyrone knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There be 20 girls in his gang.
What be the percentage of bitches Tyrone knocked up ?

9. Lafawnda is a lookout for the gang. Lafawnda also has a boa constrictor
that eats 5 rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If Lafawnda makes $700 a
week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed her snake with one week's
income ?

10. Marvin steals Juan's skateboard As Marvin skates away at 15 mph, Juan
load his .357 Magnum piece. If  it take Juan 20 seconds to load his piece,
how far away will  Marvin be when he get whacked?

Thanks Dan

Awww Monday ~ Woodsterman Style XCVIII

The Fifth Parrot


    3 girls, Jan, Sue and Mary haven't seen each other since leaving
school. They rediscover each other via Facebook and arrange to meet for
lunch
    Jan arrives first, wearing a beige Versace dress. She orders a
bottle of Pinot Grigio.
  Sue arrives shortly afterward, wearing a grey Chanel number. After the
initial hugs and kisses she joins Jan in a glass of wine.  Then Mary
walks in, wearing a faded old tee-shirt, blue jeans and boots. She too
shares the wine.
   Jan explains that  after leaving school and attending Oxford
University she met and married Timothy, with whom she has a beautiful
daughter. Timothy is a partner in one of Sydney's leading law firms.
They live in a 4000 sq ft apartment on The North Shore and Susanna, the
daughter, attends drama school. They have a second home in Bali.
   Sue relates that  she graduated from Monash University, studied to
become a doctor and became a surgeon. Her husband, Clive, is a leading
financial investment banker in Melbourne. They live in the Toorak area
and have a second home in Italy.
   Mary explains that  after she left school at 17, she ran off with her
boyfriend, Mark. They run a  tropical bird park in Mississauga and grow
their own vegetables. Mark can stand five parrots, side by side, on his
erect penis.
   Halfway down the third bottle of wine and several hours later, Jan
blurts out that her husband is really a cashier at Target they live in a
small apartment and have a camper trailer parked on the front drive.
   Sue, chastened and  encouraged by her old friend's honesty, explains
that she and Clive are both nursing care assistants in an old people's
home. They live in Hoppers Crossing and take camping holidays on the
Murray.
   Mary admits that the fifth parrot has to stand on one leg.

Thanks Dan 

 

AN IRISH GHOST STORY

This story happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though 
it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.

John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.

The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. 
Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. 

 

John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door.... only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on. The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.

 

 

Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.

A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying... and wasn't drunk.

 

Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other.... 
    
"Look Paddy....there's that fecking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!!!!"

Thanks Dan

Big Boobs ~OR~ Rule 5 Woodsterman Style

Thanks Hal

Sorry but this is the last rule five I'm doing here.

 Sandee just doesn't care for them.

 

 

Other Big Boob Loving Rule 5 ers:

The Other McCain 
Proof Positive

Randy's Roundtable

Guns and Bikinis

Maggie's Notebook 

RULE 5 SITES
TOTUS

In a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World
Adrienne's Corner
The Feral Irishman
Knuckledraggin My Life Away
Diogenes' Middle Finger
Ninety Miles From Tyranny
Doubletroubletwo  
Angrymikes hood 
MissK's World...
American Power
GOODSTUFF'S CYBER WORLD
A Nod To The Gods   
Your Crazy Uncle Bubba
Political Clown Parade
 The Last Tradition
The Right Way

NOT! Of course it's April Fools ......