RED SKELTON'S SECRET TO THE PERFECT MARRIAGE 🌟
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".
Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word or political. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, "And May God Bless" with a big smile on his face.
Musta been his second wife.
ReplyDeleteedutcher, jokes are jokes.
Delete“Good night and God bless!”
ReplyDeleteAnon, classic.
DeleteI remember watching Red's show at Grandma V's as a kid. Always funny, never inappropriate and Grandma loved him and always laughed at his antics and jokes.
ReplyDeletePaul V, I never missed it.
DeleteThanks for this post. I saw the Red Skelton Show as a boy but can't recall alot it except Freddie the Freeloader.
ReplyDeleteAnon, I always like it most when he and his guests would lose it during a skit.
DeleteAm I mistaken or is the short answer Don't?
ReplyDelete-lg
Enjoy your weekend.
lg, that's always the short answer.
DeleteHe did great pantomimes, also. One of an astronaut floating in outerspace comes to mind. As a matter of fact, I'll never forget it.
ReplyDeleteJeff/URL, I don't remember that one.
DeleteSpeaking of Red Skelton, 2 thoughts -
ReplyDelete1 - some of these sound like they were borrowed from Henny Youngman (https://www.azquotes.com/author/16107-Henny_Youngman)
2 - This reminds me not only of watching Red Skelton show on TV, but listening to Jean Shepherd on the radio (WOR - 710 AM in New York) before falling asleep. I wonder if any of his radio shows have been preserved and can be found on the internet these days?
Steve the Engineer, I have no idea about either.
DeleteGot to meet him in person in 1990. He came in to buy a fax machine. Spent thirty minutes with him. It was just Red Skelton, a colleague and myself. A genuine Beautiful soul. I asked him why he was not on TV any longer and he said that because his contract stated that the show before and after his could not have any cuss words so they stop hiring him. Rest in Peace Brother, you are still missed.
ReplyDeleteCeltic Irish, thank you for that.
Delete