Used to work offshore, got off the tug once and visited my friend just outside of Naples. Got there right in the middle of a party. Sometime just before midnight a tooth I had been having problems with (I eventually pulled it myself with some pliers and 21 year old scotch, but I digress), started acting up.
Everyone including myself was way too hammered to drive me to the ER. So I commandeered somebody's bike and some how got all the way into town from out in the glades to a hospital I didn't know the address of, in a town I had never been to.
Nurses took one look at my swollen jaw ( I had been using duct tape offshore across my face to keep the howling winds from blowing on my infected tooth), and shot we full of happy juice.
I don't know what it was but I do know the doctor entered through a black portal that suddnly opened on the far wall in aburst of light and spoke to me in a strange tinny, Donald Duck meets spaceman accent before gliding backwards into infinity. I do remember somebody depositing a large horse pill into my suddenly oversize hand and telling me DO NOT TAKE THIS TONIGHT! After which I lied to the nice lady, told her my friends were outside, walked out to my bike and swallowed the giant pill before hopping on my bike.
That is all I remember. I woke up in a sand trap with an elderly couple standing over me discussing the possibility that I was in fact dead. They nearly keeled over when I sat up. I hopped on the bike, gave them the queen's wave and somehow made it back to my friend's place. Later I was at the nearest 7/11 store and the middle eastern dude who ran the place told me that I had come by there at about 3am. He said watching me trying to get back on the bike while chasing it around in a circle was the most entertainment he'd had since he got here!
Put it here ... I can't wait to read it. I have the Captcha turned OFF but blogger insists it be there. You should be able to bypass it.
** Anonymous, please use a name at the end of your comment. You're all starting to look alike.
*** Moderation has been added due to Spam and a Commenter a little too caustic. I welcome comments, but talk of killing and racist (or even close to racist) are not welcome.
Guy's favorite sport must be curling.
ReplyDeleteedutcher, I think you nailed it ... LOL!
DeleteBicycle story...
ReplyDeleteUsed to work offshore, got off the tug once and visited my friend just outside of Naples. Got there right in the middle of a party. Sometime just before midnight a tooth I had been having problems with (I eventually pulled it myself with some pliers and 21 year old scotch, but I digress), started acting up.
Everyone including myself was way too hammered to drive me to the ER. So I commandeered somebody's bike and some how got all the way into town from out in the glades to a hospital I didn't know the address of, in a town I had never been to.
Nurses took one look at my swollen jaw ( I had been using duct tape offshore across my face to keep the howling winds from blowing on my infected tooth), and shot we full of happy juice.
I don't know what it was but I do know the doctor entered through a black portal that suddnly opened on the far wall in aburst of light and spoke to me in a strange tinny, Donald Duck meets spaceman accent before gliding backwards into infinity. I do remember somebody depositing a large horse pill into my suddenly oversize hand and telling me DO NOT TAKE THIS TONIGHT! After which I lied to the nice lady, told her my friends were outside, walked out to my bike and swallowed the giant pill before hopping on my bike.
That is all I remember. I woke up in a sand trap with an elderly couple standing over me discussing the possibility that I was in fact dead. They nearly keeled over when I sat up. I hopped on the bike, gave them the queen's wave and somehow made it back to my friend's place. Later I was at the nearest 7/11 store and the middle eastern dude who ran the place told me that I had come by there at about 3am. He said watching me trying to get back on the bike while chasing it around in a circle was the most entertainment he'd had since he got here!
CorporalWalsh'sGhost, Oh thank you! I don't think I have laughed this hard at a comment in a very long time. I also have tails like yours.
DeleteYou are welcome. I was a Tankerman offshore, a firefighter and a Taxi company owner, I got more stories than a used car salesman!
DeleteCorporalWalsh'sGhost, I reposted your story on Sunday.
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