Sunday Sermon ~ Woodsterman Style

Hell Explained

The following is an actual question given on a University  of 

Arizona  chemistry midterm, and an actual answer turned in 

by a student.
 

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the 

professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, 

of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well : 
 

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) 

or endothermic (absorbs heat)? 
 

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's 

Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) 

or some variant.
 

One student, however, wrote the following: 
 

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in 

time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving 

into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is 

unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul 

gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. 

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the 

different religions that exist in the world today.
 

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of 

their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than 

one of these religions and since people do not belong to more 

than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. 

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the 

number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we 

look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because 

Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and 

pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to 

expand proportionately as souls are added.
 

This gives two possibilities: 
 

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at 

which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure 

in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.    
 

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of 

souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop 

until Hell freezes over.
 

So which is it?   
 

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my 

Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep

 with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her 

last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure 

that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The 

corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it 

follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, 

extinct..... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence 

of a divine being which explains why, last night, 

Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'



THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

Thanks Hal